Waiting for forever
by ShayleeRae
Summary: Hermione's always been in love with the Slytherin Prince even though she didn't let it show. Malfoy's a manwhore. Things change when she becomes Head Girl and he Head Boy and they have to live together. Will he finally return her feelings? DMHG
1. Chapter 1

**Just so you're not totally confused (even though I think it kinda will become obvious in the story), this story is completely Hermione's POV. Also, no one that died in the last parts of the books died in my story. Come one, what is Hogwarts without ol' Dumby or Snape? Exactly! I really have no idea what happened to Voldemort. Let's just say he was killed in the battle, but none of the good guys were. Sound good? He's just reeeeeally not important in this story. So this story play after the battle, when everybody returns to repeat their 7th year. One more thing: I guess some of the characters will be a little out of character at times. Oooooor you just see whole new sides of them. Whatever you want to call it! Enjoy! :)**

* * *

><p>I'm not exactly sure when it started. Looking back at it I just can't recall a moment where it made click. But I know that it has been pretty much forever, so long that I can't even remember a time I hadn't been in love with Draco Malfoy. It's true he was a git and world class jerk, but there was just something about him. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something about him was different. Something about him drove the whole school crazy. With Draco Malfoy there were no grey zones. You either loved him or hated him, or in my case – both. For my three best friends, Harry, Ginny, and Ron it was clearly hate. They didn't know anything about my feelings and that was good. As a matter of fact they were convinced that I had feelings for Ron, since we were always fighting. But that was just ridiculous, Ron was like a brother to me.<p>

For years I had just been fantasizing over Malfoy, not letting it show. Whenever he had been mean to me or one of my friends it had hurt so bad, but showing my pain would've been unbearable. So instead of that I had spat back at him and fought him, crying in my bed at night. Either the girls in my room hadn't noticed or they were just tactful enough to not comment or talk about it. Either way, I was thankful for it.

One day in third year I had even been hurt enough over a comment Malfoy had made about Hagrid that I had punched Malfoy in the face, breaking his nose. The shock on his face had been priceless. I had enjoyed it so much, but at the same time I didn't want to see him like that. I'm sure he could've hit back and kicked my ass, but he didn't. Maybe because I was a girl, maybe because he didn't want to touch me, maybe because he was to shocked. Maybe he didn't want to see me hurt...

I shook my head as if to shake that thought off of me. That thought was stupid, he didn't care about me. I looked out of the window of the moving train and saw the beautiful English landscape pass by. Why couldn't everything be as easy as nature? As instinctive? I stroke my coat smooth and set the little needle on my chest straight. I smiled to myself. The little needle that read _Head Girl_. I was sitting alone in the compartment, finally waiting for the Head Boy to arrive. He really should've been here by now. I finally wanted to know who he was. My first guess would've been Harry or Ron, but I knew that neither of them had gotten the title. I guess if the Head Girl is from one house the Head Boy has to be from an other one? That sounded reasonable enough for me anyway. The compartment door opened and I looked up, only to lay my eyes on the window again.

"Malfoy, this is really a bad time. I'm waiting for someone. So how about we just skip all of your insults and pretend like you made them and you leave again?" I said, pretending to be annoyed. All the while my heart was beating fast. I heard the door close again.

"No can do."

I gazed up to him again and just stared at him confused. A big smug smile was plastered on his face. He didn't look like he was here to insult me... In that moment I caught a glimpse of a small needle on his chest.

"No fuckin' way!" I yelled out and immediately held my hand over my mouth, shocked that I had just sworn.

He chuckled a little and sat in a seat across from me. After he realized that I wasn't going to say anything, he asked "So what now?"  
>I sighed. "We are going to act civil. I mean, we're going to live together! You still remember that Head Boy and Head Girl have their own common room and dorms? If we want to make this work we need to be civil to each other."<p>

He raised an eyebrow. "I was more talking about what we have to do now. Like right now. DO we have to patrol around or something?"  
>I blushed. "Oh yeah." was all I could come up with to say.<p>

"Okay." he said and got up again. "See you later then."

After he had left the compartment I wanted to kick myself in the butt. "Oh yeah." I imitated myself, annoyed with my own stupidity. But he had just been kind of civil to me. Kind of nice even. He hadn't laughed at me, or insulted me, or anything else. He'd just been... civil. A smile crept up on my face. Maybe this year would be good. Maybe it would make things better.

* * *

><p>I looked down the Gryffindor table at dinner. Harry gazed at me curiously and then turned back to his mashed potatoes. Ron, next to him, gulped a big piece of turkey and burped loudly. Dean Thomas and Seamous Finnigan, who sat a couple of seats down the table, laughed loudly. Disgusting.<p>

I glanced over to the Slytherin table and looked for familiar white-blond hair. Finally I made it out, at the end of the table, next to a slutty looking auburn-haired Slytherin-girl. Well, maybe she just looked slutty to me, after all I was kinda biased through jealousy. I should've gotten used to seeing him with girls by now, but for some reason it was still weird to me after all these years. I don't know exactly when Malfoy had become so attractive that every being in Hogwarts that didn't have something dangling between their legs wanted him. Maybe it had been fifth year. In every girls dormitory over the school girls were talking about how muscular Malfoy was and how beautiful Malfoy's storm-grey eyes were and how dreamy Malfoy was. Even in my own dormitory! Not that I would ever participate in those conversations, but Lavender and Parvati certainly talked enough about him for all of us. And he knew it. He knew what an effect he had on the girls and he shamelessly used it. There were some girls in school who kept track of who he was doing it with and when he was doing it with them, but even though I had at least tried to be aware of it, I had lost track. He was a manwhore. And git. And a world class jerk. But he was so cute... And to be honest, that wasn't even the reason I liked him. I had liked him way before he had become so ridiculously hot (even though he'd always been eyecandy). The real reason I had started to feel attracted to him was because I had felt sorry for him. I mean if his family background wouldn't suck as much as it did, maybe everything would've been different. Maybe he would be one of our friends then. Maybe he wouldn't even be a Slytherin. If his father didn't have such a bad influence on him, maybe he'd be just one of the other kids. But Lucius Malfoy was not one to not teach his only son his values. And his values sucked monkey balls.

"I could sleep on the floor, you know. Then you could use my bed and wouldn't have to live with that ferret." Ron suggested.

I looked at him disapprovingly. "That would be against the rules, Ron. What kind of role model would I be if I broke such a rule? I am Head Girl now!"

"What was that? I think I didn't catch it the one thousand times you mentioned that before. You are what?" Ron asked mockingly.

I rolled my eyes at him and laughed. "I just have to bear it. Who knows, maybe it won't even be that bad."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "We're still talking about Malfoy here, right?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again and just smiled. "If he's smart he won't touch me. He knows you two would kill him then." _And if he isn't smart then he _will _touch me. Please don't let him be smart!_ I added in my head.

"Just be careful, okay?" Harry said concerned.

I nodded and glanced over to the white-blond hair again. The slut next to him now whispered something in his ear. Ugh, sometimes I don't like Hogwarts as much as I should.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**

**I hope you like the first chapter, believe me there's a lot more to come. For some reason I never seem to be able to keep myself short haha**

**Well let me know what you think, I'm open to any kind of criticism! I'll try to upload regularly, it's still summer so I have time!**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

I stood in front of the portrait of a skinny man and a not-so-skinny woman.

„Password?", the woman said with an annoyingly cheerful voice.

"Uhmm..." They hadn't told me the password. I didn't know the password! I wouldn't get in. I started to panic.

The two looked at me expectantly, then the man burst out laughing.

"Oh Cecilia, you are shameless. The poor girl almost had a heart attack." he said mockingly. The woman named Cecilia smiled flirtily at him and shrugged. The portrait in front of my new common room already kind of pissed me of, and it was only my first day. They were so... happy. And... in love. I wanted to puke.

"Honey, the password is _Blood Suckers_. You couldn't know that yet because we were supposed to tell you." The man explained to me. I nodded thankfully and repeated the password. For some reason that led to another fit of laughter of the love birds. Cecilia laughed hysterically and managed to cry out "Oh Victor, you are naughty!" in between laughters. I watched them, becoming more and more frustrated with the portrait. Did they think I had all the time in the world? I was tired and I just wanted to go to bed.

"Blood Suckers!" Victor yelled chuckling.

I sighed out loud. "Could you just tell me the right password and let me in? Please?", I snarled annoyed.

The two immediately stopped laughing and glared at me.

"No need to become so rude, young lady." Cecilia scolded me. "We won't tell you anything if you don't learn to behave."

I let out a frustrated scream and teared my hear. Suddenly I heard steps behind me and turned around. Malfoy was coming up the stairs and looked at me with a mixture of confusion and disgust. He was probably wondering why I was standing in front of the portrait and not behind it. And why I looked like I was so close to throwing a fit.

"What are you doing out here?" was all he asked debasingly.

"Oh I'm just hanging out here. Haven't you heard, this is the new Hot Spot in Hogwarts. Must be because of all of this laughter!", I replied sarcastically and very pissed. He looked at me like I was a gum that had stuck to the heel of his shoe. I stepped a little away from the portrait. Should he try his luck.

"Password?" Cecilia asked again.

"Why don't you tell me?", Malfoy said coldly.

"_Blood Suck_..." began Cecilia, but Victor interrupted her. "Cecilia, love. This is the Malfoy kid."

Malfoy scowled at them. "I believe I have outgrown the term "kid" a long time ago." His voice was as cold as ice and menacing. I suddenly felt bad for Cecilia and Victor. They had to be scared out of their minds.

"The password is _Finite Incantatem_." Cecilia replied quickly.

Malfoy smirked a cool smirk that didn't reach his eyes. "Thank you. Now it would be great if you could open the fuckin' door."

They nodded quickly and the portrait swung open. Even though I didn't like the way Malfoy had gotten the information I still had to admit that he at least did get it. He stepped through the hole in the wall without looking back at me and I followed him, murmuring "Was that really that hard?" to the two lovers in the portrait.

The common room was a comfortable little room with a bookshelf on the wall and two couches and a table in front of a fireplace.

"Oooh how cute is that?" I cried out without thinking.

Malfoy turned around and sneered. "I bet no one ever said that to you, Mudblood!"

I glared at him and didn't reward his remark with an answer. Well really I just couldn't come up with anything to say. I went over to the bookshelf and looked through the books in it. Overall it was a pretty nice variety of books. This bookshelf would really reduce my time spent in the library.

There were two doors on the other side of the room and Malfoy opened one of them before he went over to the other one and checked that one out. Before he left the room and closed the door behind him, he turned around once more and spat out "Surprised that you even came inside, Granger. I personally wouldn't have had anything against you camping out there on your new "Hot Spot". But since I was the first one in here... I call this room."  
>I sighed loudly when he had left the room and let me fall on one of the couches. Maybe this year wouldn't be that amazing after all...<p>

I must've fallen asleep on the couch because the next thing I knew was that my eyes flew open when I heard a door open. I blinked repeatedly for a couple of seconds and then slowly sat up. Malfoy stood close to the door to his room and looked at me. I smiled a little to myself, thinking that he was staring at me. That was a good sign. That was really good.

"Granger, you look hideous. Even for a Mudblood like you."

I frowned and tried to comb my hair with my fingers. I gave up after a couple seconds and took my wand out to use an easy spell that straightens and beautifies my hair a lot.

"That helps a little bit, but I think that battle is long lost." he stated matter of factly and my frown got bigger.

He sat down on the other couch and opened the book he was holding in his hand. For a couple of seconds I didn't know what I should do. On the one hand I really needed to take a shower and freshen up and on the other hand this was a great opportunity to talk and to get to know each other better. When would it happen again that we both sat in the common room together?

"What ever happened to the civility I was talking about?" I finally asked.

"What are you talking about, this is the civil me." he murmured without looking up from his book. It seemed like he was focusing hard on his book, since a little crease had formed between his eyes. It stayed silent for a while.

"I just think you can do better than that." I shot back.

"I think you are wrong about that." Again without even looking up. And again silence.

"What are you reading?" I finally asked when I couldn't bear the silence anymore.

He threw his book loudly down on the table and jumped up, obviously outraged. "Goddammit, Granger! What the fuck do you think you're doing? You do not address me! You do not talk to me! You do not even look at me! Understood?" he roared loudly.

I stared at him, shocked that his temper was that short. I nodded. He stormed out of the portrait hole, probably going to get breakfast. I sighed again and got up as well. At least there was nothing standing in between me and my shower anymore.

After having taken a long, hot shower and having used the spell on my hair again I dressed myself and went downstairs in the Great Hall. I was surprised that Malfoy was nowhere to be seen. To my satisfaction Ginny was sitting at the Gryffindor table, talking to Dean Thomas. I sat next to her and greeted them.

"I heard you and Malfoy have to live together. I'm really sorry." Dean immediately said. I smiled at him and thanked him. Ginny just smirked at me, with a weird expression on her face. A knowing expression. I swore in my head, thinking she might've caught something of my Malfoy-obsession.

"Well I have to go, I'll see you girls later!" Dean threw a huge smile at Ginny and got up. As soon as he was out of hearing distance Ginny smiled at me smugly.

"You're living together with Malfoy now, huh?"

I eyed her suspiciously and shrugged.

"You're having breakfast with Dean now, huh?" I countered.

She smiled and shrugged. "Yeah. But I don't see how that has anything to do with it."

"With what?" I asked confused.

"With Malfoy. Duh." she replied. She hesitated a moment and looked around as if she feared to be eavesdropped on. Then she whispered. "Have you seen any yet?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Any what?" I said in a normal volume.

"Shhhhh..." she made and looked around again. "Any girls."

"Uhmmm... no." I said disgusted.

She seemed to think very hard. "Well I guess it's only been one night..."

I took a bite of my toast and nodded indefinitely, which she didn't even notice.

"Could you do me a favor?" she then asked pleadingly.

"Depends..."

She bit on her lip. "Could you keep me up to date? Who comes and goes?"

I stared at her disbelievingly. "Are you one of those Malfoy-obsessed girls? Because I thought that at least you would stand over that."

Yes, I was a hypocrite.

She just shrugged and ate a fork of her scrambled eggs. "Dad always lets me watch Muggle TV. You know, the soap operas and stuff. So I just spent the whole summer finding out who Janet's baby daddy is and if Tasha and Jeff are going to get back together. I miss my soaps. Please don't put me on Hogwart's soap opera deprivation. That would end really ugly."  
>I laughed a little and took another bite of my toast.<p>

"Pleeeeeeeease?" She begged me.

"I'm not promising anything, but I'm keeping my eyes open." I finally caved in.

"Thank you!" She squealed. "You're my best friend in the whole world."  
>I laughed. "So good that you're going to tell me what's going on between you and Dean?"<p>

She smiled secretively. "I like him."

I couldn't help but smile too. "I know. And he likes you too."

Her face brightened even more. "You think?"

"He'd be stupid if he didn't."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,  
>Hope you liked the chapter! I definitely enjoyed writing it! Please let me know what you think about it and click that pretty Review button. I appreciate it. I think if you have the time to read a story you can find the time to quickly post a review too. And it makes authors happy :)<br>So I already have the next couple chapters written, I'm just gonna wait a little bit with uploading them. Oh yeah cliffhangers yeah!**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	3. Chapter 3

Today was the first day of school. Today the stress that was so dreadful, but addicting to me would start all over again. And even worse this year since it was our last one. As soon as Harry and Ron had joined us for breakfast Professor McGonnagal gave out our schedules for our seventh year in Hogwarts. This schedule would be my life for the next ten months.

"Oh man we have double Potions with the Slytherins first thing in the morning. Hex me now." Ron moaned.

"But Defense Against the Dark Arts afterward! That's good news!" Harry added. "I can live with this schedule."  
>Ron groaned. "I can't."<p>

Usually this would be the time for me to scold him and say that he has to take responsibility and he has to suck it up, but I was busy trying to figure out a study plan around the new schedule.

After the two were done eating and I wasn't even halfway done with my plan we went downstairs into the dungeons. We were a little late, so when we arrived almost all of the seats were already taken. Malfoy sat next to a skank. Harry and Ron immediately claimed the table that still had two open seats, so I was by myself. And the only free seat was next to a Slytherin, right in front of Malfoy's table. Blaise Zabini. Best friend of Draco Malfoy. I sighed and sat down next to him.

"What do you think you're doing?" he snarled.

I raised my eyebrows. "Sitting down on the only seat that is still free?" I replied matter of factly.

He raised his eyebrows too. "I don't think so."

He turned around to Malfoy and said "Hey, let's switch partners!"

"No way, I already have to live with her!" he grumbled.  
>"But I don't want her." Blaise answered.<p>

"Hello! She can hear you!" I murmured.

"She will get you good grades!" Blaise tried to convince Malfoy.

A smug smile appeared on Malfoy's face. "I don't need the help of a Mudblood to get good grades!"

The skank next to him laughed. Malfoy looked at her with a weird expression on his face. Then he bent forward and whispered so that she couldn't hear him.

"I just realized that if I lay that chick and we will still have to be Potions partners... God, that would suck. I like clean breaks."

I rolled my eyes.

Blaise kept a straight face. "So then don't lay her."  
>Malfoy thought for a second. "But she's really hot!"<p>

I couldn't believe that I was listening to a conversation like that.

"So do you want to switch partners then?" Blaise asked happily.

Malfoy nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, I definitely never want to lay Granger."

Pain shot through my heart as if my Head Girl needle had drilled itself through my skin.

"Excuse me, but I am not a piece of meat that you can just pass around." I said indignantly.

They ignored me of course.

"Baby, could you please switch places with the Mudblood?" Malfoy asked her. I snorted a little. He called her baby. He probably didn't even know her name.

"Why?" She asked huffily.

He sighed. "Listen, I don't want this either, but I'm doing this for my friend. He has a way lower tolerance level then I do."

She made a not-so-hot face and picked up her stuff. I, figuring I should just go along with it, did the

same thing and sat down at the table behind me. Just then Snape finally arrived.

_Perfect timing._ I thought sourly.

With one wave of his wand instructions were written on the blackboard and he told us we should work in partners. Great.

"I'm going to get the ingredients from up front and you start to boil water, okay?" I took the initiative.

He shrugged and did as I said. Surprisingly.

We worked silently and concentrated. And to my own surprise I wasn't stuck with doing the majority of the work, we both worked equally. I never had noticed that he was so good at Potions. When we were done the potion was a bright blue, exactly what it was supposed to look like.

"That was the quickest I have ever finished a potion." I said, watching the others still fight with different ingredients and each other while the two of us were already done.

He shrugged. "What, you thought that you were the only one that could brew a potion in this class? Happens that I am a rockin' Potions master!"  
>I couldn't help but smile at his words. A rockin' Potions master, huh?<p>

We remained quiet and I watched Harry and Ron fighting over whether they should stir clockwise or counterclockwise. I watched them with a feeling of frustration, but also smiling to myself. After a while Snape noticed that we were done and came over to our table.

"Nice work, Mr. Malfoy." He said approvingly after having looked in our cauldron. "Miss Granger."

I was slightly amused by the fact that Snape didn't give Slytherin any House Points for our achievement, knowing that then he would have to give Gryffindor the same amount of points as well. We heard a loud BANG coming from Seamus' and Neville's cauldron and Snape ran fumingly towards them, yelling "What did you do now, Longbottom? 10 points from Gryffindor!"

"You know, maybe you're right." Malfoy said after a while. I looked at him questioningly. "Maybe we should try to be civil. It's our last year in Hogwarts. We want the memories to be good memories, right? Not fighting all the time."

I eyed him impressed. Always a surprise in his sleeve, that Malfoy.

I nodded. "Malfoy, I don't think I was ever the one that caused the problems between us."

He bit on his lips, which looked incredibly hot. "Yeah I know..." was all he murmured. A couple of seconds passed, without us saying anything.

"You shouldn't yell at me, or call me a Mudblood, or make fun of my friends, or make fun of me for that matter..." I was going to continue, but he interrupted me.

"Hold your horses, Granger. I'm not going to just change my whole opinion of you over night. One step at a time."

"You're right. How about you just try to not call me a Mudblood anymore?"

He thought about that for a second. "Yeah I think I can manage that."

I smiled and he turned away from me. One step at a time. That sounded really good.

After Potions I went to the Great Hall to get some lunch and continue working on my time table for homework. Then we had Defense Against the Dark Arts. With the Slytherins. Again. Mondays would be all Slytherin-days. Great. As soon as I opened the door to the classroom I realized that I had no idea who the new teacher was. I hadn't even thought about it until that moment. I sat on a chair next to a Gryffindor girl, called Lissa.

Slowly more students streamed in and took their places. Then, finally, the door to the office opened up and out came the last person I ever thought would work as a teacher.

She had fire-red hair and a piggy nose, but looked beautiful as always. I heard a moan come from the left side of the class room and realized it had been Malfoy that had moaned like that. Oh yeah, he was related to her, wasn't he? What was she, his cousin?

"Morning, guys!" Tonks chirped and sat down on her desk. "What's up?"

None of the students answered, everybody just stared at her unbelievably. She grinned widely at the class and in the next moment her hair turned a deep blue color. People all over the classroom ooohd and laughed. They had probably never seen something like that before. Then her nose became big and crooked. It kind of looked like Dumbledore's nose. Again people laughed.

"We are going to learn something about Metamorphmagi and it just so happens, that I am one of them."  
>I didn't really know what Metamorphmagi had to do with Defense Against the Dark Arts, but I didn't complain. I was still shocked that Nymphadora Tonks was a teacher. That would be an interesting year.<p>

"Just for your information, I am not your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Your teacher is engaged today, but will be joining you tomorrow. I am only substituting for today."

I breathed a sigh of relief. As much as I loved Tonks, I doubted that she would teach us a lot. And that was what we were here for after all.

The rest of the class we spent watching her make faces and change her looks, some people like Dean and Seamous yelling in what she should do.

After class then Harry, Ron, and me stayed behind only to see that Malfoy walked right up to Tonks and whispered furiously.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?" He hissed when we were within earshot.

She shrugged. "Draco, I do not know what the big deal is. I am only staying here for today, it's no biggy. You might see me in school more often now though."

"The big deal is..." Malfoy began, but Tonks shushed him.

"I am not gonna tell anyone your little secret." She said calmly. Harry flashed me a glance. A secret? In that moment Malfoy saw us and turned around. "Fuck." was all he said under his breath.

He turned to Tonks once more. "You better not." he said before he practically ran out of the class room.

Tonks saw us too and a huge grin appeared on her face. "Harry, Ron, Hermione! It's so good to see you!"

After we all had hugged her I asked her "So why exactly are you going to spend more time here in Hogwarts from now on?" I thought I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from her.

"Remus is the new DADA teacher and I of course need to spend time with him."

Harry and Ron smiled wildly and let out a small shout of joy.

"That is great news!" Harry finally said and laughed.

"I figured you'd like that." was all Tonks said. Then a baby cried behind the office door.

"Is Teddy in the office?" I asked confused.

Tonks nodded. "Yeah I didn't know what else to do. Snape was so close to being the substitute for today, and I didn't want anyone to go through that. Teddy was taking a nap in there, but I guess now he woke up. I better take care of him. It was good to see you though!"  
>We said goodbye to her and she ran off to the office.<p>

"Lupin is going to be back." Harry murmured happily as we left the classroom. As happy as I was about that, one thing stayed in the back of my head for the rest of the evening. Malfoy had a secret and Tonks new about it. And obviously he didn't want anyone else to know.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys**  
><strong>Another chapter's up, what do you think about it? It's way over 300 hits now, yay! And loads of people have the story saved as their favorites or alerts. People are actually reading this! That makes me so happy! And then I see that it still just has 2 reviews and I'm thinking... why? Review please! :)<strong>

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	4. Chapter 4

When I stepped through the portrait hole (without any troubles this time) I saw Malfoy sitting on one couch, his Potions homework spread out over part of the table.

„Hey." I said as I sat down on the other couch. He didn't respond, didn't even look up. We sat there for a couple of minutes, working silently. Then Malfoy put his stuff back in his book bag.

"I need the common room tonight." He said.

I looked at him blankly. "What for?"  
>He smiled smugly. "What do you think I need it for? That chick's coming over later."<p>

I raised my eyebrows. "That chick? Does she have a name too?"

"Yeah." He replied quickly. "I just don't remember it. Jacky? Or Chloe? Or Sara? Something like that."

My eyebrows rose up to what felt like my hair line. "Those were three totally different names that had only one thing in common. That they're female."  
>"Exactly." He answered and laughed. I couldn't help but laugh along.<p>

After one minute or so, he got up and said "So unless you want to watch it'd probably be better if you weren't here."  
>"Why can't you just use your bedroom?" I wanted to know.<p>

"Oh we are. We're still gonna be pretty loud though and I feel like you wouldn't want to hear that."

"You're right about that." I murmured. "So when exactly is that girl coming?"  
>He looked at his watch. "About 5 minutes."<br>"Malfoy!" I yelled out.

He shrugged. "What? We're not gonna get loud for a little longer. God, Granger! You never heard anything of foreplay?"  
>I resisted the urge to gag and picked my stuff up. "I'm going to the library and I'll come back in about an hour."<p>

He made a face.

"What?" I asked annoyed.

"Can you make that one and a half hours?" he asked innocently.

"You are impossible!" I hissed and left the common room.

"Is that a yes or a no?" he yelled after me, but I didn't react. In front of the portrait I saw the girl.

"Hey skank." was all I said as I walked past her. She was the kind of girl that shortens the hems of her school uniform skirts even though that was restricted. She was the kind of girl that unbuttoned her blouse so far that you could see her bra. She was the kind of girl that was scum. And she was the kind of girl that got guys like Malfoy.

I really had planned on going to the library, but as I felt tears rising up in my eyes I knew a better place to go.

* * *

><p>As I was leaning against the big oak I couldn't keep the tears from streaming down my face. Just imaging what he was doing with that skank right now... I shook my head and whimpered quietly. A cold breeze lifted my hair up and I pulled my legs up to me and put my arms around them, my book bag lying next to me on the grass. The moon was shining bright tonight and its reflection on the dark lake looked both beautiful and terrifying. Of course it still wasn't bright enough to finish my homework down here, but I wasn't in the condition to focus on anything right now anyway. I couldn't take it anymore, always bottling up my pain for years without ever telling anyone about it. No one knew I cried at night, or if the girls in my former dorm did know than they ignored it. No one knew I hadn't been dating anyone not because I wasn't interested in dating, but because I couldn't get myself to even look at another boy. Viktor was the only exception to all of the above. But with him it was different. What none of my other friends knew was that when we were together we were talking about Malfoy almost all of the time. For some reason I had opened up to him. Maybe because he was so silent that I was sure he wouldn't tell anyone else, maybe because for some reason I just trusted that boy. But in the end it didn't matter. We had tried the whole kissing thing and going out, but he knew I wasn't seeing him like that and he was okay with it. So we were just friends, what neither Ron nor Harry knew. And when he had left we had become pen pals. I had written him letters about Malfoy and my problems and he had always been helpful and had given me advice, but after about a year I had stopped writing him. Looking back at it I had no idea why. It always had made me feel so good to know that another person knew about my problems, so why had I stopped? I realized then that the tears had stopped streaming down my face. After all I had stopped writing and it didn't matter why. But what mattered was that I couldn't bear being alone with my feelings and pain anymore. And now I knew who I could talk to about it.<p>

I sat at the lake for another ten minutes and then got up. It was far after the curfew, but I didn't care. I was Head Girl after all. On the way back to the castle I suddenly heard a giggle from behind a bush and stopped abruptly. I just stood there for a couple of seconds and after I didn't hear anything more I figured I must've just imagined it. I already was ready to move on when I heard it again. There definitely was someone behind that bush. I tiptoed over to it and silently sneaked up to whoever it was who was not in their common room by now.

"Dean!" I heard the same voice giggle again and my blood went cold. I knew that voice. I moved behind the bush and cleared my throat loudly. Immediately the tall dark boy and the tiny red-head jumped apart, acting as if they never had made out behind a bush in the middle of the night. As soon as Ginny realized that it was me who looked at her disapprovingly she relaxed.

"Oh it's just you." She sighed relieved.

"Why aren't you in your common room?" I asked firmly.

Ginny eyed me suspiciously. "We just wanted to take a walk."

"It's past curfew." was all I replied coolly.

Ginny stared at me unbelievingly. "Well what are you going to do about it?" She asked almost provokingly. Dean just stood there, knowing that he should better not say anything. Smart boy.

"20 points from Gryffindor for each of you two." I replied simply. "And now back to your House or I'll have to give you detention."  
>Ginny glared at me and pulled Dean along with her as she stormed off to the castle.<p>

I sighed. I knew it was a little harsh from me to take points from Gryffindor and not just look over it, but rules were rules and if it had been anyone else and not Ginny I would've done the same thing. I couldn't have favorites. Dumbledore had made me Head Girl for a reason. What his reason for the Head Boy was was a mystery to me though.

I was on my way to my dorm when I looked at my watch and realized I'd only been away for a little less than an hour. He had asked for one and a half hours and I would give them to him. Not because I wanted to be friendly or generous, I was far from feeling any positive feelings for Malfoy at this moment, but because I really didn't want myself interrupting something and knowing more than I had to. So instead of going to the portrait hole I went to the owlery.

I sat down at one of the tables there and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill.

_Dear Viktor,_

I wrote. And then I didn't know how to continue. I hadn't contacted him in almost one and a half years. Did he even remember who I was? He was Viktor friggin Krum. He was the National seeker of Bulgaria. Girls were going crazy over him and his good looks. How should I explain why I hadn't answered him back after he had been nothing but helpful, understanding and sweet to me? I sighed.

_I am sorry that I didn't write you back, but I was fairly busy._

I crossed those words out again. What a rubbish. I should just tell him the truth, that I have no idea why I stopped writing him. He would understand, wouldn't he? So I decided to just write the truth and after several minutes of searching for the right words I had the letter done.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Viktor,<em>

_I am sorry that I haven't written you back in a while. I myself don't know why. Writing you and talking about my problems with you always felt so good, it made me feel good. I always bottled all of my pain up and with you it felt like a heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders. You were always so sweet to me and you never complained about me whining around and I am so thankful for that. So why did I not write you back? I have no idea. My guess is that with all the events that took place at the end of my fifth year I just forgot. And then I felt bad for taking so long to write you back, so I postponed it even further. I hope you can forgive me for it, because I really miss talking to you. I would love to see you again. I hope I'll hear back from you soon._

_Love,_

_Hermione_

* * *

><p>It wasn't exactly a poetical masterpiece, but it would do. And Viktor's English wasn't that good anyways. I sighed an folded the parchment. Since I didn't have my own owl I had to take one of the school's. And after I finally watched it fly away I looked at my watch again. It had been over one and a half hours now. I was safe. And sure enough when I stepped through the portrait hole I didn't hear a single thing. I had planned on just going to bed, but with terror I realized that I still hadn't finished my Potions homework and I sat down on the couch again.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>So here is another chapter. What do you think? Now I need your help for the rest of the story... what do you think about Krum becoming a real part of the story? Or should he just stay in Bulgaria or wherever he is? Let me know so I know where I should go from this.<br>**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I always forget to say this, so let's just say this is a disclaimer for the whole story. I do not own any of the characters, settings, or charms. I am not JK Rowling, no matter how much I wish to be her. If I was I would have cut the epilogue and put some Dramione in the eighth book of the HP series, which I would of course write. I do own the plot though so no copying, kiddos! ;)**

* * *

><p>The next couple of days were filled with school, homework, and more homework. I had so little time, I didn't even spend any time with Harry, Ron, or Ginny. Every night I did my homework in the library, knowing that some other girl was in my dorm right now, sleeping with the boy I loved. Even though I had told myself I would tell Ginny who Malfoy slept with I couldn't. Because I didn't know any of their names and he probably didn't either. I came to wonder how many girls there were in Hogwarts. How long could he manage to sleep with another girl every day before he ran out of them?<p>

I hadn't heard anything back from Viktor yet, which wasn't surprising. It would take my owl a while to get to Bulgaria or wherever he currently was and back.

Friday night I was sitting in the common room reading a book, when Malfoy came through the portrait hole, a slut following him.

"Granger." Malfoy just said and nodded toward the portrait hole. He wanted me to leave and I was so tired of never being able to be in my own common room.

"Yes, Malfoy?" I asked innocently.

"Didn't you want to go to the library or something?"

I shook my head. "No, Malfoy. As a matter of fact I planned on sitting in my common room and reading a book."

He glared at me for a couple of seconds and then shrugged. "Then stay, I don't give a shit."

Did I want to leave? No. Did I want to stay and hear what they were doing? Hell no! Of course I could put a silencing spell on their room, but still... knowing that they were right next door...

"Oh Malfoy?" I said before he could disappear in his room. "Harry and Ron wanted to come over in a couple of minutes and since you've had so much... company this past week I don't believe you have anything against it."

Harry and Ron had no plans of visiting me tonight, but I figured that Malfoy wouldn't lay that girl when they were next door. He would know that they wouldn't accept his behavior as I did. They would act. His face became dark. He came over to me and whispered, so that the slut couldn't hear him, "Granger, I can't take her anywhere else."

"Then how about you just stay abstinent for one night?" I suggested coolly.

He looked at me blankly for a couple of seconds. "Trisha?" He then said more loudly.

The girl looked confused. "My name is Tasha." She then replied.

"Of course it is. You have to leave."

She seemed pissed. "But why? Don't you want to... you know...?"

Malfoy breathed in and out loudly. "Yes I do, but it's not possible right now, okay? Can you just leave now?"

She glared at him and didn't move. I probably shouldn't have intervened, but I just didn't get that girl. "Girl, have some dignity and leave. You're replaceable to him. I'm sure he wants to do you know what... well do _you_, but if he won't then he'll be able to live with that too."

She stared at me and then at Malfoy and finally moved toward the portrait.

"You are a bitch!" She yelled at me. "Owl me later, Draco." With those words she was gone and Malfoy burst out laughing. "Damn, Granger. I didn't know you had it in you."

I rolled my eyes. I had expected him to be mad, but he seemed pleased with me.

"Granger, you just earned yourself major brownie points." He laughed. "I'm off to the Slytherins." And he too disappeared through the portrait. I had made him laugh. I had earned brownie points. Major brownie points.

I happily got up from the couch and thought about what I should do next. I really wanted to spend some time with Harry and Ron. And Ginny too. She hadn't talked a word to me ever since that incident on the grounds. They really should come over. I was a little lazy though, so I didn't feel like going all the way up to the Gryffindor tower. Then a thought came to me. Malfoy had an owl, didn't he? And it usually was in his room. I hesitated, knowing that he would never lend it to me. But he didn't have to know, did he?

I wrote a little note to Harry and then entered the enemy's bedroom. It looked pretty much like mine, just that it was really untidy. Clothes were lying all across the floor and his suitcase was still half-unpacked. It smelled good though... it smelled like him. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes. The scent of vanilla and parchment. My two favorite scents in the world. I opened my eyes again and awoke from my short trance. Sure enough, the owl was sitting on the window sill, just watching me. It had to be really old if it was just sitting around watching people all day long rather than flying around or spend its time in the owlery. Wouldn't it be weird to have sex and be stared at by an old owl while doing it? I shuddered. I gave the owl the note and told it to bring it to Harry. As soon as I opened the window it flew away quickly.

Then I went back to the common room and read a little further in my book until I heard a tapping sound at the window. I walked over to it quickly and opened it. The owl fluttered in and dropped a note on me before it went to sit on the table.

_Ron and I will be there shortly, but Ginny says she's too tired._

_Harry_

I sighed sadly. She was still mad at me. I wrote another note, saying _Please convince her._ and gave it to the owl again. It flew away and I waited impatiently. Then it came back, having no answer. I put it back in Malfoy's room, took one last breathe of the delicious scent and closed the door. A couple of minutes later it I heard a noise from outside the portrait and opened it up.

Harry and Ron stepped in, followed by an angry-looking Ginny.

"Hi guys, I'm so glad you could make it." I welcomed them as they were admiring the common room. That's right, they had never seen it before.

"Ginny, can I talk to you for a second?" I asked cautiously. She didn't reply, but just followed me in my room while Harry and Ron sat down on the couches.

I closed the door behind me and turned to the Ginger that looked at me impatiently, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Listen, Ginny. I know that you're still mad at me for deducting points from you and all, but you have to understand that that is my duty. I would've done the exact same thing to any other person I would've found like that and I can't make differences between how I punish or don't punish certain people." I explained.

She just looked at me for a couple of moments and then sighed. "I know." she finally admitted. "I know that this job of yours is really important to you and you take it seriously. It's just that I was thinking... I couldn't help thinking... What would Malfoy have done in your situation? If he found a friend of his like that? He would've looked over it and pretended like it never happened, Hermione. And I'm not saying that that would've been the right thing to do, I'm just saying that I wished you weren't so damn rule-obsessed all the time."

It felt like she had slapped me in the face. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I managed to fight them back. "You're saying you wished I was more like Malfoy?" I asked her and was surprised how hurt my voice sounded.

She nodded. "Yes, in this case, yes." She replied. I just didn't understand where all of this was coming from. It had only been a couple of months ago that Ginny was ranting about Malfoy just as much as Ron and Harry had been. And now she seemed to accept him and even defend him. She didn't... it was impossible that... or was it?

"How come you seem so fond of Malfoy suddenly?" I asked her numbly.

She shrugged. "I don't know, I just think he has changed since the battle. He joined our side in the end after all." I absolutely agreed with every word she said, but I knew now that she was hiding something from me. It was now obvious to me and I wondered how I could've been blind enough not to notice for so long. At the latest when she asked me to keep her updated with his girls I should have known. I should have known that Ginny, who had been the only person that had always been honest to me, was now hiding a secret from me. And was lying to me.

"Bullshit." was all I said. She just looked at me stubbornly without answering. I pulled all my courage together and finally managed to ask one single question that I knew would change everything.

"Ginny? Did you have sex with Malfoy?"

I could see all the color dissolve from her face. But even now she remained tenacious, obviously not wanting to admit a mistake.

"So what if I did?" she hissed. "It's none of your business."

Oh but how much I wanted it to become my business.

"Out. of. my. Room." I finally managed to press out between clenched teeth.

She shrugged. "Fine, I never wanted to be here anyway."

"Tell Harry and Ron to leave too." I said, my voice as cold as ice.

I heard Ginny talk to Harry and Ron and them asking questions, and then suddenly it was silent. It wasn't until then that I allowed the tears to stream down my cheeks. It didn't hurt so much that my best girl friend had slept with the boy I loved, she didn't know that I liked him after all. It also wasn't so much the fact that she had fraternized with the enemy, even though that probably would've been the reason that would've sent Harry and Ron over the edge if they knew. But who was I to judge? No, what hurt the most was that it seemed like he would sleep with anybody, every female person on this planet, before he would even consider doing such a thing with me. Don't get me wrong, I did not want to sleep with Malfoy. I just wanted him to see me as a girl he would love to sleep with. And no such thing happened.

I don't know for how long I cried on my bed, but eventually I heard someone enter the common room. My mind had a total breakdown as it told me to jump up and storm out of my room. If I had thought about it for at least one millisecond then it would've decided that what I was about to do was completely insane. But I was hurt and I was filled with such a rage towards the man that was staring at me as if I he wasn't sure if he should commit me to an institution that I did not think. He was standing by the couches, obviously ready to go in his room, when I burst into the common room and slammed my door shut behind me. Tears still running down my face and trembling with anger.

"You are the biggest piece of scum!" I yelled at him with a shaking voice.

He just looked at me confused and didn't say a word. He knew better than to make fun of me right now.

"I want you out of here!" I screamed angrily and I could actually see him flinch a little. But he didn't move.

"Why?" was all he finally said.

"Out. of. Here." I repeated more quietly, my voice still trembling with anger and filled with hatred. He of course didn't listen to me. It only took me about two seconds to stand right in front of him, my wand pressed to his Adam's apple.

"Do I have to repeat myself?" I screamed again, but he still wouldn't move.

"Granger..." he started, but I interrupted him by yelling "Confundo."

After that he just stared at me blankly. "Leave this floor now and don't come back until I say so." I ordered him to do. He immediately left the common room and I fell down on the floor, dropping my wand and holding my stomach as I cried on until I eventually fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>So I'm guessing you're just as surprised by the turn of events as I am. I seriously didn't see it coming, it kind of just happened in the moment (lol that's what Ginny said). Let me know what you think and review. Make me a happy fanfic writer! It's far over 1,000 hits now, which already makes me soooo happy! If you have any suggestions, wishes or predicitons write a review and I'll hear you out! You can be an active part of this story if you want to, you can help me map this story out!<br>**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up from a tapping noise and groggily sat up. After being a little confused about my where-abouts I finally realized that I was sitting on the floor of the common room. I was pathetic. And I had a headache. I heard the tapping noise again and understood that an owl was at the window. It took me a while to be able to get up and walk over to it, but I eventually opened the window and let the owl in. With content I saw that it was the owl I had sent to Viktor. And it dropped a letter on me before it flew away again. I opened the letter with trembling hands, thinking that I would not be able to swallow another disappointment.

_Dear Hermione,_

_I am going to be at the Three Broomsticks at around noon on Saturday. Come see me if you can._

_Love,_

_Viktor_

Usually I would've been happy about that invitation, but right now I couldn't feel any emotion. I was completely blank.

Then suddenly someone knocked on the portrait hole. I knew that it couldn't be Malfoy since I had charmed him with a spell that made him become completely obedient. Still I didn't want to know who it was, there was no person that I wanted to see right now. Except for Viktor maybe. So I decided not to open the portrait. After a couple seconds it did that all by itself though.

"Miss Granger?" Dumbledore asked as he stepped in and then he saw me. Instantly his face showed worry. "Oh my." was all he murmured. I must have looked hideous. Probably all puffed up and exhausted from last night.

"Sit down, Miss Granger." He then continued and I did as he said. There was no use in disobeying the Headmaster. He sat down on the opposite couch.

"A curious thing happened to me this morning as I went to do my matutional business. I stumbled over a very tired looking Mr. Malfoy who was sitting on the stairs. It appeared to me that he spent his night there. After asking him what he was doing there he seemed very confused and stammered something about not being allowed in his common room." he said and paused to wait for a reaction from me. I just looked at him blankly.

"It looked to me like he was under a charm." Still I didn't respond.

"You don't happen to have anything to do with that, do you?" He finally asked and I knew that I had to answer.

"He wouldn't leave, so I had to hex him." was all I said and I was surprised how empty my voice sounded.

"And why exactly was it so important to you that he left?" he wanted to know.

I hesitated for a moment. "Because I was upset."

He eyed me with those piercing eyes of his. "May I ask why you were upset?"  
>"You may not." I replied coldly.<p>

His eyes looked understanding. "Are you sure that you don't want to talk about it, Miss Granger?"

I nodded firmly and he got up and sighed. "Well then I have to inform you that it is in no way your right to ban your roommate from your common room or his bedroom. That's 50 points from Gryffindor and you can be thankful that I'm not taking any other actions. I am sure it will not happen again." He left without saying another word and I just stared at where he had disappeared. I had just been told. And it wouldn't be long until Malfoy would return, I was sure Dumbledore had taken the charm off of him. I took a quick shower, changed, and fixed my hair with a spell before I practically ran out of the common room. This weekend wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend yet, but luckily I knew some secret passages from Harry.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>Okay, okay I know that this is like the shortest chapter ever. And I promise it will be the shortest chapter you'll ever see from me. I actually had planned on posting it with the chapter before that, but then I made up my mind. I'm uploading really often anyway so I figured you could live with a short chapter for now. The next one will be longer again, promise! Again - any thoughts = review!<strong>

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	7. Chapter 7

I anxiously scanned the room for familiar faces, but no professor was in sight. And then I saw him. He was still as broad-shouldered and muscular as I remembered him. His masculine chin was stubbly with a three-day beard and his brown hair was just as short. I made my way over to him and sat across from him, a smile plastered on my face.

"Hermione!" was all he said as he pulled me into a bear hug.

"Can't breathe!" I choked after a while and he let go of me and laughed deeply.

"I vas so glad to get your letter, I vondered vhat happened viz you. I heard some nevs of course, but still..." he started in his hot Bulgarian accent. I noticed though that his English had gotten way better since the last time I had seen him. He still had a slight accent, but his vocabulary and grammar seemed to have improved immensely. His English never really had been bad, just worse.

"I know, I'm sorry." I apologized. "I really have no excuse."

He smiled widely. "No need to apologize, Hermione." He even pronounced my name the right way now. "Do you vant a butterbeer?" he then asked me and I nodded. He disappeared for a little while and then returned with a butterbeer for me and firewhiskey for him. Drinking at noon. He truly was East-European. I thanked him and took a sip of my butterbeer.

"So vhat ever happened to zat boy of yours?" he finally wanted to know and tears immediately stung in my eyes, which he of course noticed. He put one of his big, rough hands on mine.

"Vhat's Vrong?" He asked concerned. I just shook my head, trying to fight the tears back. He downed his firewhiskey in one gulp without letting go of my hand and the next thing I knew was that I was sitting on a bench, surrounded by a forest.

"Where are we?" I asked confused.

He shrugged. "I don't knov exactly, I just figured that you didn't vant to cry in a room full of people."

I hugged him tightly and rested my head on his chest before I started crying again. He just held me for a while, not saying anything, but just letting me shed my tears and hold on to him. At some point though, the tears ran dry and it was physically impossible for me to cry any further.

"Do you vant to talk about it?" He finally asked cautiously. I nodded, but didn't lift my head from his chest. Feeling his warmth and his muscles just felt too good, too safe. And then I told him everything that had happened in the last couple of years, how Malfoy had become a Deatheater and let them in the castle, how he hadn't done anything when I had been tortured in his house, how he had turned to our side in the end, how we had to share a common room, how he was a manwhore and finally that I had just come to know that he had slept with my best friend. Just to name a couple of milestones. It felt so good to just talk about it all, to let it out. Talking about my feelings, having someone who listened but didn't judge. I felt so much better already. He stroke over my hair while I was talking and sometimes threw in questions. When I was done we were both quiet for a while.

"Sounds like a lot has happened." he then murmured.

I nodded and then looked up to him. "But what about you? What's new, Viktor?"

He smiled and shrugged a little. "Vell actually... I just got engaged a couple of veeks ago."

I let out a squeal. "Who is she? How is she? How have you met?" I fired questions at him.

He chuckled a little. "Her name is Naomi and she is a Muggle. She's actually British too." That would explain why his English suddenly had improved so much. "Ve met about a year ago, vhen I was in England for a Quidditch game. She of course didn't knov anyzing about Quidditch, so she didn't knov who I vas eizer, vhich vas really refreshing. After about two monzs I told her about the vizarding vorld and the ministry vas so busy viz... ozer zings... zat I didn't even get in trouble for it. She freaked out at first and didn't vant to believe me, but after a vhile she vas fine viz it. Vhen I shoved her hov great it vas to be a vizard – I took her for a ride on my broom."

I smiled widely at him and couldn't help but see the irony in his relationship with that muggle girl. Thousands of witches all over the world were drooling over him and his stardom, but he settled for a girl that had no idea who he was instead. That was so romantic. Despite what Harry and Ron had always thought - Viktor was not dumb. They misunderstood his silentness as stupidity, but I knew better than that. I knew that he didn't like talking in public a lot because he didn't like having his attention on himself. And he obviously had a lot of attention on himself because of his fame. Isn't it understandable that he wanted to stay by himself when everywhere he went a thousand girls followed him? He obviously liked people that didn't care much about his fame, like Naomi and me and even Fleur. Didn't that show intelligence? He wasn't even that quiet when he was with people that weren't some weird fan-girls. And weren't some of the most genious people in history quiet people? Wasn't it common knowledge that knowing _how_ to talk showed just as much intelligence as knowing_ when_ to talk? Now many people also thought he was dumb just because he was a Quidditch player. Harry played Quidditch, just like Malfoy, Ginny, the twins, and so many more people I knew and loved. They were all not stupid. And lastly Viktor hid out in the library when he was hiding from all the girls in my fourth year and he had met me. In the library. When there were so many other places in the whole school and on the grounds that would have been probably even more quiet and peaceful. What hardly anyone knew was that Viktor Krum actually enjoyed reading. It always made me so mad when people thought he was stupid, would he really have been picked as the Durmstrang Champion if he was stupid? No! Viktor was a smart, athletic and kind man that was just misunderstood by the majority of the wizarding world. And that's why I was so happy for him that he had finally found a girl that appreciated him for who he was, not his fame, but the real him.

"I am so happy for you, Viktor. Seriously, you deserve this so much." I finally said, still smiling goofily.

He frowned. "Of course it's great zat I have her and I'm zankful for it every day, but at ze same time... it's kind of veird to have someone you care about zat much. Vhen You-knov-vho came back to pover, I vas so vorried about her. I just took her and apparated her to Africa. I didn't care about hov stupid zat vas, maybe nozing at all vould have happened to her here, I just vanted her to be safe. I didn't vant to take ze risk. I felt like a covard for just disappearing vizout fighting zough."

I shook my head. "I think what you did is incredibly romantic. Not stupid and not coward."

He smiled again. "Zanks, Hermione."

I then noticed that it dawned, we had been talking for hours and the days became shorter.

"I better get back to Hogwarts, it's getting dark." I said, but didn't move. Without a word Viktor apparated both of us on the main street of Hogsmeade.

"It vas good to see you again, Hermione. Ve should do zis again." He said. I nodded.

"Are you sure that Naomi is okay with that though?" I wanted to know.

He laughed. "Yes, she is probably ze most trusting person I have ever met."

I smiled at him and we remained silent for a moment.

"Vell goodbye." He gave me a hug and I knew he was close to disapparating.

"Wait!" I yelled out to stop him from doing that. "I... are you sure that you don't want to come to Hogwarts with me? I could show you my common room and... well... I wouldn't have to face Malfoy by myself." I stuttered.

He pulled his eyebrows up and seemed to think about it for a minute. Then he shrugged. "Vhy not?"

I smiled happily, but still the fear of the confrontation was nagging at me.

"We have to use a secret passage though..." I let him know. He was kind of excited about that, so we made our way to Honeydukes.

* * *

><p>We were standing in front of the portrait and I was frozen. I didn't want to go in there, didn't want to meet a furious Malfoy that would yell at me and possibly hex me. But I had Viktor with me. Malfoy admired Viktor. In the Triwizard Tournament Viktor had been the one Malfoy had supported, right? He wouldn't yell at me in front of him, he wouldn't hex me in front of him. Viktor was pureblood, Malfoy liked him. I breathed in deeply and felt Viktor's supporting hand on my shoulder.<p>

"It'll be okay, I'm here." He said and I felt a little better.

"You brought home a friend, huh?" Cecilia asked and raised her eyebrows. "A boy friend."

Victor, the one in the portrait, chuckled. The Viktor next to me didn't respond at all.

"Finite Incatatem." I said to shut them up and they frowned at me before the portrait swung open. I slowly stepped into the common room and there I saw him, standing in front of me, not looking angry at all. Maybe this wasn't going to be that bad after all.

"Do you want to tell me what..." he began in a calm and civil way. And then his eyes focused on something behind me and I could see his jaw clenching together. Suddenly there was a lot of rage in his expression.

"Fuck it, Granger!" he yelled. "What the fuck do you think you were doing? Yelling at me and insulting me for no reason? Hexing me and kicking me out of my own common room? What the fuck, Granger? You will be sorry for this!" He yelled at me. Tears stung in my eyes again. I deserved every single word of what he was saying. I didn't say anything, but just stared on my shoes.

"And now you bring this guy... well Krum... here well-knowing that it's not allowed for us to bring people of the different gender in our common room!" Malfoy continued, delirious of anger. But that was definitely going too far.

"Excuse me, but you're bringing girls home every single day and you kick me out of my common room every single day! And insulting me and yelling at me isn't anything new to you either!" I yelled back at him.

"Well I didn't hex you!" He countered. "Maybe I should do that to get even!" He pulled out his wand and pointed it at my face. My blood went cold of fear. He wouldn't lose the rest of his sanity now, would he? Suddenly I got pushed to the side and stumbled. When I looked up again Viktor and Malfoy were standing across of each other, their wands pointed at each other.

"Trying to be her knight in shining armor, Krum?" Malfoy hissed debasingly. So much to my theory that Malfoy liked or admired Viktor.

"Vell someone has to. And you don't seem to be doing zat." Viktor replied calmly.

"What? Why would I?"Malfoy asked confused and shot me a quick glance. I hoped I didn't look too desperate. Malfoy looked between me and Viktor and then lowered his wand. Viktor slowly did the same.

"I didn't plan on hexing her." Malfoy then admitted.

"I vasn't going to risk it." was all that Viktor replied and once again I found myself admiring his English. Malfoy nodded and eyed me for a long moment.

"I'm going to bed." He then said quickly, sounding a little confused.

Without another word he left the room, leaving me and Viktor to ourselves. As soon as the door was closed Viktor burst out laughing. I stared at him, confused and a little irritated.

"What?"

He chuckled some more and then calmed down. "Oh zis is good."

I looked at him questioningly and he let himself fall on the couch.

"What's good?"

He looked at me and smiled widely.

"Zat boy of yours? He is extremely jealous!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**

**so another chapter is up. What do you think? I know that you probably think Viktor is a little out of character, but if you haven't noticed yet I'm a huge Krum fan because I think he's misunderstood and really smart. I can't help that written accents make people sound a little retarded. Same thing with Fleur, I'm sure she's a smart witch too! Let me know what you think and review!  
><strong>

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	8. Chapter 8

I never would've thought that I would miss the days back when Malfoy had been cruel and vicious to me. I never would've thought that I would miss the days back when Malfoy had called me a Mudblood. But more than two months passed and Malfoy barely talked to me. Whenever he was forced to he replied in one-syllable words, for example in Potions. And it was killing me. I didn't understand his reasons for his silence, but it scared me more than any threat of his ever could have. I was only sure of one thing – that the reason for his behavior was not what Viktor said it was. I had seen Viktor a couple times over the months, almost every weekend, and I was sad to admit that I even called him my best friend right now. Ginny, that slut, I would have forgiven if she had showed me that our friendship meant something to her and that she didn't want to fight anymore, but no – none of that happened. She remained cold and acted like she didn't care. Or maybe she really didn't care. I had asked myself why she was still all over Malfoy if she liked Dean now, but it was time for me to awaken from my naivety. She was just using the poor Dean. Ron on the other hand was just being stupid. He seemed to be mad at me for bringing Viktor back in my life and I didn't understand why. Sure, Ron and I had had our moments during the battle, and we had eventually kissed once, but I thought we both had agreed that it had been a mistake and we wouldn't repeat it again. So why did he act like that then? And Harry just spent a lot of time with Ginny and Ron and not with me. So as the months went on I didn't have anything to look forward to in my life, except for the weekends when I would see Viktor and could talk to him.

It was the beginning of December when we had Defense Against the Dark Arts with Lupin and he announced "Today, we are going to repeat something that all of you already know. I know that you know, because I taught you."

The whole class just looked at him confused, eying the closet in front of them suspiciously, and Lupin smiled widely.

"Do you remember when we learned how to defeat Boggarts with the help of the Riddikulus charm?" The class let out all kinds of excited noises.

"Well I figured since it's becoming colder and colder outside we could all need some cheering up. And that is why we will do exactly that again."  
>The whole class cheered, remembering what fun they had had the last time, but I remained silent. I knew that my biggest fear had changed. Then it had been Professor McGonnagal telling me I had failed, but now it was something different. The truth was that I didn't know what exactly it was.<p>

"I'm guessing that some of your fears have changed." Lupin continued and glanced at Neville. "For example I really hope that you have mastered your fear of Professor Snape by now, Neville." The class laughed and Neville blushed.

All of the tables were set aside and we all formed one long line, Neville being the first of them all. With a loud BANG Lupin opened the closet and out came the weirdest creature I had ever seen. It was a mixture of some kind of pig and a... snake. I had no idea what it was.

"Riddikulus!" Neville yelled and the creature squeaked as wings grew to it that were not strong enough to hold it. I didn't really get what was so funny about it, but I laughed anyway.

"What was that?" Lupin asked Neville before the next student had his turn.

"A crumple-horned Snorkack!" Neville replied simply and then stepped out of the way. He definitely spent too much time with Luna. The fears of most other people hadn't really changed, Harry's was still a Dementor, and Ron's still a giant spider. Then it was Malfoy's turn. This should be interesting. What did Malfoy fear the most? It turned out to be something that none of us expected. He stepped forward and the Boggart changed into a man – Lucius Malfoy. He was standing in front of us as if he actually was still alive, even though we knew that he had been mysteriously killed after the battle. But there he was, looking completely alive. I could see that all the color had faded from Malfoy's face and he just stared at his father in complete terror for a minute. It seemed like he had forgotten where he was, he only saw the man in front of him. None of us mattered to him anymore, just the terror when he saw the man he had thought dead. He definitely had not expected this.

"You're dead." He whispered. "I was there, you were murdered. You're dead." It sounded like he tried with all of his power to convince himself of those words.

The boggart opened his mouth and the voice coming out sounded exactly as cold as Lucius Malfoy's. I hadn't known before then that Boggarts could also resemble a person's voice, but it made sense. "You will never get rid of me, son. Because I am in your head. I made sure of that over all of those years. You always were weak and always will be. Exactly like your mother was. I could hear you whining in your sleep, "Mommy don't leave me with him". Pathetic! But I am the only one you have, son! And you thank me by killing me ?"

The whole class was silent as a lamb. Everybody seemed to hold their breaths, me included. Did this mean that... surely it couldn't mean that... Malfoy had killed his own father? Malfoy shook his head, closed his eyes and held his ears shut with his hands as if that would make the boggart go away. He just stood like that for a couple of seconds, then his eyes flew back open. It was then that he looked around and saw everybody staring at him open-mouthed. I could see the terror in his face when the realization hit him that every single person in this room had heard the boggart. Every single person in this room now knew his secret. His secret that he had killed his own father. It had been everywhere on the news that Lucius Malfoy had been found dead in his house during the summer. Nobody knew how he had gotten killed. Some said other former Death-eaters had executed him, others said he had killed himself, having become insane over the death of his wife. She again, had been found dead a couple of weeks before that. Did that mean that he... had taken care of her too? I couldn't even imagine how terrible Malfoy's summer must have been. With a loud wooden sound his wand fell out of his hand and on the floor. He looked at it for a split-second, then he turned on his heel and ran out of the classroom. I looked after him helplessly. There had to be something I could do. He needed to talk to someone, I needed to be there for him. Then the realization hit me that this must have been the secret Tonks had been talking about. But how did she know? Then Lissa, a Gryffindor girl, gasped and pointed at a point behind me. I turned around again and wished I hadn't. In front of me was a pale body lying on the floor, drained of all blood. His lips were blue and his grey eyes were wide open and in shock, staring at me. Even in his death he was still beautiful. Even with blood streaming down in a river from his heart. He was dead. The corpse of Draco Malfoy was lying in front of me and I screamed as loud as I could.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**

**I know that this was a pretty short chapter, but it was pretty important to the story. So what are your thoughts about this all? Malfoy killing his daddy? yay or nay? Also I'll try to at least get Harry more involved in the story, but I'm not promising anything. Just tell me what you think and review, it doesn't take long and makes me happy! :)**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	9. Chapter 9

Of course somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that it wasn't for real. I knew that Malfoy had just walked out of the room and was not dead. I knew that there was a boggart right in front of me that had changed into my biggest fear since I was now the one standing closest to it. But in no way had I been prepared for this. I had thought maybe my biggest fear was clowns or vampires, but I had never expected this. My biggest fear was Draco Malfoy being dead? And everybody in this classroom now knew? I stopped screaming, just to look around in the room. Everybody was staring at me and the boggart in front of me, whispering to one another and shaking their heads. I didn't dare to look at Harry and Ron, knowing that confusion and disappointment would be plastered on their faces. Even Lupin just stared at me blankly. When Harry had seen a Dementor in his third year he had jumped in between them. But now that Malfoy practically had his private battles fought out in front of the class he didn't feel the need to do something against it? Why? Only because his last name was not Potter?

"Do you think she has a crush on him?" I heard Lavender whisper to Parvati. "Maybe that's why she's always crying."

I couldn't take it anymore. I quickly picked up Malfoy's wand, trying not to look at the corpse of him in front of me, and ran after him out of the room. There was absolutely no one I wanted to talk to right now. No one at all. Except maybe for Malfoy.

So I ran to the only place where no one had access to except for the both of us – our common room.

* * *

><p>To be honest I hadn't expected him to be in the common room. I had expected him to be somewhere wandering around and cooling off his mind, but not him just sitting there on the couch, staring into the fireplace. So I had no idea what to say to him.<p>

_Hey Malfoy, sorry to interrupt but I just wanted you to know that your dad was a jerk and I'm happy you killed him?_ That would be messed up on so many levels.

_Hey Malfoy, I know that you don't want to hear this, but killing your own father is not okay. _No way, that wasn't even what I was thinking. Or was it? What did I think about him killing his own father and possibly his own mother as well? I searched my emotions and could only make out one, that overpowered all the others. Sympathy. Whatever had made him do it, there must have been a good reason for it, right? He wouldn't have just killed him because he felt like it, he must've killed him because he felt like it needed to be done. I knew that Malfoy was not a person to just kill someone without hesitance. Most people probably would think that it'd be easy for him, him being a former deatheater and all. But I doubted he ever even had killed someone before his father. When I had been tortured at his house in the war, the only thing that let me endure it was looking at him. While his crazy insane aunt had tortured the hell out of me and I had screamed like never before he had been standing there, not able to look. Flinching slightly whenever I had screamed. So I had focused on looking at him. And finally he had looked up to me, a thousand unspoken apologies in his eyes, pain. And I had tried to smile slightly at him, letting him know that I forgave him. Of course it hadn't been unseen by Lucius Malfoy.

"Draco, your turn." Was all he had murmured. Malfoy had pulled himself together and had pulled his walls back up.

"I think Aunt Bella is doing a great job frying that Mudblood without my help." He had just snarled, but I knew that it had just been an act.

"It's not up for discussion." his father had replied coldly.

Malfoy had looked like he was debating with himself. Debating if he should pull his wand and hex his father or if she should just go along with it. When he had laid his eyes on me for a second I had slightly nodded, letting him know that he should just do it.

With every Cruciatus curse that he had fired at me he had looked more on the verge of throwing up, and I had tried to hide my pain at least a little bit better, not wanting him to feel worse for it than he already had.

Thanks to that experience I knew that he was not a heartless monster like most of his family were or had been. I knew that he hadn't wanted to do all the things that they had made him do. His curse had been his family. So why did he kill his father? Because of that? Because he was a heartless bastard that made him do things he didn't want to? Or was there another reason?

I eyed the boy on the couch in front of me. He hadn't looked up from the fire place when I had walked in and he didn't seem to notice my presence yet. He looked paler than ever, if that was even possible, and his eyes were red, as if they were burning from unshed tears. Because he did not cry, Malfoys probably were to proud to cry. Before I could talk myself out of it, I sat next to him on the couch. He still didn't look up.

We just sat there for a while, not saying anything. It took me a minute to figure out what to say.

"You have the whole world believing you're the bad guy." I finally whispered. "Everybody just sees you for what you were. A deatheater, a follower of Voldemort."

He showed no sign that he could hear me.

"Some of them hate you for it, others... love the fact that you have a bad side. They think it's a turn-on." Stupid sluts. "But here's the thing, Malfoy. Those people are ignorant idiots!"

He finally looked up at my words, looking me deeply in the eyes. He was so beautiful with his storm-grey eyes, his glowing hair and fair skin. It almost took my breath away, but I had to keep talking.

"Everyone with some sense to them knows that none of what you did you wanted to do. They should know that you didn't just get the Dark Mark because you felt like it and thought it was so cool to be an accomplice of Voldemort. They should know that you had no other choice because your stupid family was already way too involved in it, for God's sake."

None of my words teased out any reactions out of him, but he was still looking at me and I could tell that he was listening.

"Even in our sixth year when Harry figured out that you were a deatheater I knew that it didn't make any difference and I tried to keep him from obsessing about it. In my head I was always just screaming at him that he should know better. And last year when I was in your house? It just made everything so much more obvious."

He flinched slightly at my words.

I continued. "I know that you're not a man to do bad things without caring. I know that you don't kill or torture as if it were nothing. And any other sane person should know that you didn't kill him for no reason. I at least know that whatever it was he did – he must have deserved it."

His lips twitched at my last words, but his face still looked pale and dead to me. Almost like the corpse I had seen a couple of minutes ago – but I didn't want to think about that.

I just sat there for another couple of minutes, waiting for a response, but his gaze had shifted back to the fire and stayed there. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want him to be alone, but at the same time I didn't want to be in the way if he had some serious thinking to do or something like that. After a while I then decided it was best to just leave him alone for a couple of minutes and go to my room, so I got up. Or rather I tried to get up, but I immediately felt a hand on my arm that was begging me not to go, so I sat down again. He was still staring into the flames, but his hand was still resting on my arm, making it tingle all over. For a couple of seconds it was again silent and I asked myself if we were just going to sit silently next to each other for the rest of the day. I would've done that, but he finally began to talk, without lifting his eyes from the fire. His voice was cold and weak when he murmured, "Two weeks after the final battle... we were all prosecuted by the new ministry... and my mother... she died... According to my father because she was weak... before she died he changed back into his normal self... after the final battle my mother and I had thought he had changed, but... he hadn't. And now that my mother was gone... he focused on me... and after a couple of weeks I couldn't take it anymore... I knew he would be coming for me eventually. When I came home from Blaise's one day and he was waiting for me... I didn't think. I just had so much hatred inside of me, I hated him so much... so I killed him." He said, the words coming out scattered.  
>A distant smile appeared on his face. "And for one moment I was so happy. Happier than I had been in the other 17 years of my life. It was funny because in that one moment I was exactly how he had always wanted me to be. And he didn't even see it coming and he wasn't even proud of me. And I was just fine with that. It was like a heavy burden was lifted off my shoulders. My whole life he had been the person that made me do things and forced me to be the way I was... and now he was gone."<p>

He looked up to me, still smiling and I couldn't help but smile also. He seemed so... relieved.

"Didn't the ministry... didn't they figure it out?" I finally asked.

He shrugged a little. "They informed that traitor Tonks since she was the only one left in my family... I had already given up, I didn't care if they put me in Azkaban, all I cared about was that my father did not walk this earth anymore. I must have appeared like a madman to everyone else whenever I just laughed when they were talking about Azkaban... well Tonks surprisingly didn't want me to go to Azkaban, she just repeatedly said that I was family now and she didn't give up on me... I think she had some relations to the new minister, Shacklebolt. Somehow she convinced him of letting the accusation be dropped and hiding it from the media. Oh they would have loved something like that."

Gratitude towards Tonks rushed through me. She had tried to welcome him into her family after all that had happened. I had to give Tonks a big hug for that one.

"See... just like I told you. Everyone with some sense to them knows that it wasn't your own fault." I replied, smiling. He just nodded slowly.

Just one thing remained a mystery to me... what had Malfoy Senior been doing that was so bad that Malfoy Junior couldn't take it anymore? It couldn't just be his teaching of his own values, could it?

"What did he do... your father?" I asked cautiously.

His eyes immediately hardened. "He was being a very good deatheater." was all he replied.

"I don't understand."

He sighed and closed his eyes. "He killed them. He continued to kill Muggleborns and Muggles. Because he didn't believe they were worthy of life. When my mother or I tried to stop him he would just yell at us and petrify or crucius us, making us watch it. Then even when we didn't try to stop him he tortured us. And one day he went to far. I know that he didn't mean to, deep down he was just as heartbroken as I was. But he killed her. He killed his own wife. After that it got even worse with the Muggle killing and now when I tried to intervene he would force me to do it myself. He had never physically harmed me in any way before the battle. I have to give him that, at least he stayed unviolent towards me and my mother all those years. Psychological violence, yes. But physical, no. But that day I came home and he was waiting for me... I knew he was going to end my life as well. And I didn't want to let him win. To be honest, I didn't care if I lived or died. I just didn't want to let him win. After he had already escaped a sentence to Azkaban somehow, I didn't want him to get off that easily again. I don't even know how he or his friends managed to stay out of Azkaban. Must have bribed a lot of people. But I had to stop him."  
>I smiled sadly at him. "I believe you did the right thing. And I believe Tonks did the right thing when she made them drop the accusations. You don't deserve Azkaban, you deserve respect for what you did. I'm sure if people would know this all..."<br>He looked at me, bewilderment in his eyes. "Now that's just crazy, Granger! I told you this because I trust you not to tell anyone! Don't make me regret telling you or I'll make you regret it!"

And back he was to the people-threatening Malfoy. But he had said that he trusted me...

"I'm not going to tell anyone, Malfoy. I was just saying that maybe you should consider it." I got up, walking to my room since I had some thinking to do. Halfway to my room he said three words that I would never have expected him to say.

"Granger? Thank you."

I just smiled and made my way to my room.

"But don't think this will change anything between us." He then added, as if he was trying to convince himself of those words.

_Oh but it already has changed something between us._ I thought to myself, smiling.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**

**what do you think? I know that it's kind of the cliché that Lucius would abuse his family, but come on - who doesn't love clichés? Well I actually had planned on going the none-cliché way and change things up a little bit, but the lovely review from the lovely Kilala-kun made me change my plan. So do the same and make you and me happy people.**  
><strong>Love,<strong>

**ShayleeRae**


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of the day I stayed inside of my room, fully aware of the fact that I would miss my classes, but knowing that I could not face the people just yet. They all had seen that my biggest fear was Draco Malfoy dying. They knew. After I had hidden it for so many years, now they had found out. And by now the whole school probably already knew. There was no way I would leave the common room just yet. I knew of course that I would have to face them eventually, but for the first time in my life I used procrastination as a temporary solution.

Malfoy seemed so much better after our little talk, but I noticed that he didn't leave the common room either.

I decided to use my spare time to work ahead in the classes that I missed today and sat down on the couch in the common room again, where Malfoy still sat.

"You know that you'll have to encounter them sooner or later, right?" I asked him after a while, not looking up from my Charms book.

He sighed. "Yeah I know... so how come you're still here?"

I shrugged and acted like I was totally engrossed in the book in front of me.

"Granger? I don't need a babysitter!", he hissed.

I sighed and murmured, without looking at him. "I know Malfoy and I'm not here because of that."

He thought a couple of seconds. "Granger, what are _you_ hiding from? What happened after I left?"

I dropped my book, surprised by his question, and picked it up quickly.

"Nothing." I then replied nervously. He quickly snatched my book away from me and held it up in the air so I couldn't reach it.

"Give me my book back, Malfoy!" I spat.

"When you tell me what happened!" He smiled smugly.

"What is it to you anyway?" I murmured.

He raised his perfectly arched eyebrows. "Well since it must've happened right after I left the room I'm guessing that it has something to do with me."  
>I moaned. "What else? You care cause it could involve yourself. Very selfless, Malfoy."<p>

He glared at me. "You know, you certainly won't get your book back that way."  
>I rolled my eyes and then threw myself on him, trying to steal the book away from him. Taking him by surprise I actually got a hold of the book, but he then he pulled it quickly out of my hand again. Lying on top of him on the couch I tried to reach the book, but his arms were way longer than mine and he held the book up in the air. I suddenly became very aware of the fact that I was lying on top of freakin Draco Malfoy. About eighty percent of my body were touching his, on all kinds of places. Naturally, I blushed and stopped in my actions. I couldn't think anymore, my mind seemed to be all fogged up. I could feel how hard his upper body was, he had to be so muscular under that shirt... I could smell his scent, the vanilla mixed with the spice... I could feel his body heat sipping through our clothes. And I didn't want anything more than to just take off those clothes and feel his skin on my skin. I was just like all the other girls that couldn't get enough of him. His tense muscles suddenly relaxed, probably noticing that I didn't try to reach the book anymore. I looked down at him and his icey eyes were captivating every single brain cell of mine. I just laid there on top of him, not moving and stared him in the eyes. I could feel chemistry, I could feel desire rising up in me. I was so screwed. Then he pushed the book into my hand and moved underneath me, obviously hinting I should sit up. Still a little dazzled I did as I was told and opened my book again, without looking at him.<p>

"Jeez, Granger. If you wanted to mount me that bad, you should've just said something." Malfoy joked and I rolled my eyes, while thinking to myself _If you only knew._

"So you still haven't told me..." He started again after a while.

"There is nothing to tell you." I just replied, kind of absentmindedly. Oh my thoughts were in a whole other place right now.

"You know I'll hear anyway..." A big smirk was plastered on his face. He was right. Of course he would. But I would not give up that quickly.

"Oh and how will you do that?"

He shrugged. "Pretty much every Slytherin of our year was in the classroom."

I sighed loudly. "And how do you know that it wasn't something between my friends and I?"

"I don't." He said and then he added, "but I have my sources..."

If he meant who I thought he meant I was ready to puke.

"Ginny's not my friend if that's who you're talking about." was all I replied cooly.

He eyed me surprisedly. "Why do you think it's her I was talking about?"

I shrugged. "I have my sources..."

He laughed out. "If you're referring to that stupid bet..." he began, but I interrupted him.

"What bet?"

He shrugged. "You know that bet that Blaise and I had? He said I could never lay the girlfriend of Harry Potter. I proved him wrong."

My blood went ice cold. "It was a bet?" was all I could manage to say.

"Hell yeah." He laughed. "What, do you think I just do it with whoever?"

I nodded slowly, but wasn't really listening to him anymore. It had been a bet that had lead to Malfoy and Ginny having sex. That bet was the reason Ginny and Harry had ever broken up, because she still kind of liked Malfoy afterward. I doubted that Harry knew about that. Ginny had been played. Of course I wished she had went differently about it, not so maliciously, but could I really blame her for walking into Malfoy's trap? If he set up a trap like that for me, I'd probably fall into it as well.

I got up as quickly as I could and murmured "I have to go." before I stormed to the portrait hole.

"Hey, you still haven't answered me." He yelled after me.

* * *

><p>I practically ran all the way to the Gryffindor common room and was totally out of breath once I had reached it. They should be back in the common room by now. Being Headgirl I knew all of the passwords of the houses, so I mumbled "Firebird." and the Fat Lady eyed me suspiciously. "Haven't seen you around in a while." She said before she swung open and let me in. I could see lots of familiar faces staring at me in the common room, but I didn't care so much. I was just looking for a familiar red-head. Finally I saw her, sitting next to Ron and Harry by the fire place.<p>

"Ginny, could I have a talk with you please?" I asked her as soon as I was within earshot of her, still a little out of breath.

She took a glimpse of me and then looked back to the fire. What was up with people staring at fireplaces lately? I helplessly looked at Harry, who just shrugged apologetically. Ron ignored me. No help there.

"Please, Ginny? It's important!" I begged her. This was for her own sake, not for mine, and I begged her to listen to me? Wow I really was a good friend.

"Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of Harry and Ron." She murmured without looking up.

I laughed out nervously. "Oh believe me, I cannot."

She glanced up to me and I looked her in the eye, urgently. Knowing that I wouldn't make such a scene if it wasn't important, she finally got up and went up the stairs to the girl's dorms. I followed her quickly.

"What is it?" She sighed as soon as she had closed the door behind us.

"I... I don't even know how to say this..." I started. She just raised her eyebrow.

"It's... well I was just talking to Malfoy and... it was just a bet." I finally explained. "Blaise said he couldn't get the girlfriend of Harry Potter and they bet on it... Malfoy won... which you obviously already know."

I looked at her compassionately and apologetically. She just stared at me blankly for a while, not being able to say anything. She obviously hadn't known about the bet. Surprise there. Then suddenly her mien transformed into an angry grimace.

"When they told me I didn't believe them." Was all she spat out. So she had known? "When they told me I said "That's ridiculous. Hermione would never be so stupid."" What was she talking about? What did I have to do with this? Nothing! This was all about her and Malfoy, it didn't have anything to do with me!  
>"But I guess you really <em>are<em> dumb enough." I looked at her confusedly, not understanding a word she said.

"I don't understand." I replied quietly.

She laughed out, a fake and hostile laugh. "You don't know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about you having a crush on Malfoy! The whole school knows now that they saw your boggart! When Harry and Ron told me, I couldn't believe it. But it's all so clear to me now! You like Malfoy, that's why you freaked out when you came to know he and I had sex! And that's why you came here now, just to tell me a stupid lie of a bet that never even took place." she screamed at me.

"No, Ginny. That's not true!" I tried to explain, but she cut me off.

"You are pathetic, Hermione! Pathetic!" she yelled.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw my former best friend not believing me and calling me pathetic.

"Fine." I mumbled. "But don't say I didn't warn you." With those words I left her room, tears still stinging in my eyes. I tried to ignore all the Gryffindors in the common room, still staring at me. But I couldn't help but see a certain black-haired spectacle wearer having tears in his eyes and a red-headed boy looking at me disapprovingly and full of rage. They couldn't have heard us, could they? Had Ginny really been loud enough for them to hear down here what she had been yelling? Without looking around any further I stormed out of the common room and leaned against the wall next to the Fat Lady for a while, my eyes closed, silent tears running down my cheeks. It was all messed up. Everybody knew about me liking Draco Malfoy and now everybody also knew that Ginny had had sex with him. She hated me because she thought I was making up a lie, Harry probably had figured out by now that Malfoy was the reason for his and Ginny's break-up and was mad at Ginny and probably at me for not telling him, Ron was mad at Ginny for having sex and for having sex with his enemy and hated me for liking Malfoy. All in all everyone was hurt and angry at everyone. And it was all my fault. I just wanted to curl up and never talk to anyone again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**

**Sorry for not updating for so long, but I was pretty busy with school and all. I almost can't believe myself how much I messed up Hermione's life! Muahahaha! What do you think? Leave me a review so I know where you want me to go with the story or certain aspects of it, I promise I'll hear you out and there's quite the possibility that I'll listen to you!**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	11. Chapter 11

As I made my way to the owlery tears were still dripping down my face and I tried to avoid people as good as possible. I only wrote a couple of words on my little piece of parchment and didn't care that it was hardly readable before I tied it to the foot of an owl and sent it away.

_I need you now, please come!_

Tears were probably splattered all over the note, but I couldn't care less. I ran downstairs to my own common room and told Cecilia and Victor the password.

"Oh my, look at that poor child." Cecilia murmured compassionately. "What happened now?"

Victor sighed. "I swear I've never seen that much drama going on in all the years we've hung here. Remember when she sent that Malfoy kid away and Dumbledore had to come?" He shook his head. The portrait finally swung aside and I stepped through it, dried tears all over my cheeks. At least I had stopped crying somewhere along the way from the owlery. Malfoy still sat on the couch, as if he hadn't moved ever since I left. He looked up as soon as the portrait hole closed again.  
>"What happened?" He asked quietly.<p>

I smiled sadly. "I left the common room. Take my advice and never go out there again."

He smirked a little and I let myself fall on the couch next to him. We stayed silent for a while, both of us caught up in our own thoughts.

"It's funny that the smallest thing can ruin friendships you thought to be indestructible." I finally murmured.

Malfoy bit on his lip. "I never really thought a friendship to be indestructible, so I can't really say I can relate to that feeling." He finally muttered absentmindedly.

I looked up at him, surprised. "Not even with Blaise or Crabbe and Goyle or even Pansy?"  
>He laughed a little and shook his head. "No, all replaceable. As a matter of fact I think everyone in my life always was replaceable. Just like you said to the chick the other day... she's replaceable to me and so is everyone else..."<p>

Now it was me that bit my lip. "So you never really... loved anyone?" I asked quietly. He thought about it for a second.

"My mother maybe... she and I went through a lot that my father put us through together." He finally replied emotionless.

I stayed silent, not knowing what to say. I guess it was better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.

"Listen, if that fight you and your friends have has anything to do with me screwing the Weaselette... then I'm sorry about that."

I looked up at him, again surprised. I just eyed him for a couple of seconds and he returned my glance. "You are truly full of surprises, Malfoy." I then said, smiling.

He smirked as well and shrugged. "I just hope you can figure it out. If you don't get along with them, I'll probably be stuck with having you on my back."

I stuck out my tongue and laughed, knowing that he was just joking.

After a couple of minutes he asked again "So since you haven't denied it I'm guessing that it does have something to do with me messing with the Weaselette?"

I sighed. "Malfoy, it has everything to do with that. You really screwed things up when you screwed her."

His tongue licked over his lips for a second and I found myself staring at it. Why did I think it was so sexy when he did something as simple as licking his lips?

"I'm sorry." He then whispered. "I just didn't care. I knew that it would have consequences, but I just didn't care. I didn't care about any of you, but now..." His voice trailed off and he closed his mouth again, looking extremely guilty. It was adorable.

"It's really not your fault. She was the one that had a boyfriend and she knew about the consequences as well. It's her own fault." I assured him.

He shook his head. "No, that's the thing. I left her no choice."

My body tensed. "What do you mean?" I asked him, trying to sound calm. While the inside of me was freaking out. I was getting ready to hear the worst.

"Well, come on, who could really resist this?" He looked down at himself and made a motion with his hand. He smirked jokingly.

I laughed out and raised my eyebrows. "Oh really? Cocky much, Mr. Malfoy?" I asked teasingly.

"Only when it's justified, Miss Granger." He replied smugly.

He looked at me, a spark in his eyes and I couldn't get myself to look away. We were looking at each other for a long moment, then it suddenly knocked on the portrait.

I jumped up, having totally forgotten about the owl that I had sent earlier. I ran to the portrait hole and opened it.

"Vhat's vrong, Hermione?" He asked immediately and stepped through the hole. He saw Malfoy sitting on the couch and glared at him.

"Krum." was all Malfoy said coldly to acknowledge the fact that he was here.

"I should've knovn zat you have somezing to do viz it." Viktor growled and pulled his wand.

I quickly lowered it with my hand and said "Actually he doesn't... well maybe a little bit, but not really..." I saw Malfoy raise his eyebrows. "It's not your fault." I assured him again.

Viktor seemed totally confused. "Vhat's vrong?" He repeated. He looked me up and down. "You don't seem like somezing's vrong..." He then slowly remarked. "I figured the ovl vas coming from you, but I guess..." He continued his train of thoughts and I interrupted him. "Yes, it was my owl." I declared.

I quickly grabbed Viktor's hand and pulled him after me into my room, not trusting him and Malfoy to be in the same room for any longer. I sat down on my bed and motioned to him to do the same thing. He sat next to me and I explained to him everything that had happened. After I was done he just looked at me for a couple of seconds, then he said, "I'm sorry but zat Ginny girl sounds like a bitch."

I nodded slowly. "I think she's just in denial though... I think she really likes Malfoy, even though he doesn't seem to be aware of that. I think he thinks it's just a game to all of the girls he associates with, when really they have far higher expectations than he ever wants to meet." I murmured.

Viktor shook his head, still thinking of Ginny. "Zat's no excuse to talk to you like zat."

I shrugged. "You're right. But if she came right now and apologized I know that I would forgive her."

Viktor smiled weakly. "But zat's exactly ze point – she's not coming."

I nodded and felt tears rise up again. "And Harry and Ron... I know that they hate me right now. I could apologize, but..."

He shook his head. "Vhat for? It's not your fault zat Ginny cheated on Harry and you can't change vho you like. Honestly, I zink if zey're really mad at you zen zey're just acting childish."  
>I smiled with tears in my eyes. "We're all younger than you, if you haven't noticed yet."<p>

"But at least ze boy vho lived should be grovn up enough after all zat he's gone zrough to act in an adult manner."

My smile grew wider. "Not in interpersonal skills, no."

He frowned. "Vell zen I guess it's time for new friends." I knew that he was just kidding, but I couldn't get myself to find it very funny. Was that it? Was my friendship with them really over? After all that we had been through together? Or would they be able to get over it?

"Vell you still have me." Viktor smiled and I couldn't help but smile along with him. Yes, I did have him. But he didn't even go to this school. I couldn't sit by him at lunch or in class...

"You and Naomi should really come to the Grimmauld Place on Christmas Eve. Lots of people you know are going to be there, like Harry, Ron, and me, all the other Weasleys. A bunch of people you met at the wedding, oh and of course Fleur. You like her, don't you? You came to her wedding."

I didn't like bringing the wedding up to him. After all I had barely talked a word to him then, feeling to bad about not writing him back. He seemed to think about that for a second too.

"Yes, I do like Fleur. But I don't knov if Naomi vants to. I'll do my best." He replied and I nodded.

Looking out of the window I realized that it had already become dark. "What time is it?" I asked him, but looked at my alarm clock myself. It was almost ten o'clock.

"You should probably go if you want to get back to Bristol tonight." I said reluctantly. He scowled at me and I laughed. "I don't want you to go either, but Naomi's probably waiting for you."

He shrugged. "Naomi's fine, she's probably asleep by ze time I get home anyways."  
>"So does that mean you want to stay?" I asked hopefully. He acted like he thought about it for a second and then nodded enthusiastically.<p>

"Is it okay if I just spend ze night and zen get up really early tomorrov?" He asked and I nodded smiling.

So the next couple of hours we stayed up way too late and talked about everything under the moon. I didn't care that I'd be super tired tomorrow, I didn't even want to think about tomorrow. Having to face everyone again seemed even worse now after the confrontation with Ginny. I just had wanted to let her know the truth so she could get over it. I had wanted to protect her. As soon as I had gotten the news I hadn't cared about whether we had fought anymore. I just had thought that it was my friend who was being hurt. I shook my head, really not wanting to go over it all again.

* * *

><p>I woke up when I heard the door to my room open<p>

"Hermione? Sorry I didn't vant to vake you up." I heard Viktor's voice and my eyes flew open. What was he doing in my room? Then I remembered that he had slept on our couch last night.

"That's okay." I muttered sleepily and sat up. He looked at me meekly.  
>"What?" I wanted to know.<p>

"Can I take a shover?" He asked sheepishly.

I nodded again and laid back down after he had left the room and closed the door to the bathroom behind him. After a couple seconds I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore though, so I moaned and got up. I put on a new uniform and straightened my hair with the help of a spell. Then I went to the common room to wait there for Viktor.

As soon as I sat down the door to Malfoy's room opened.

"Morning." He yawned as he made his way over to me, wearing only his boxershorts and a white wife beater. I couldn't help but admire the way he looked in that simple outfit. I could see his muscles in their true beauty and I had to scold myself so I wouldn't drool. I probably looked at him a little too long, but he didn't notice anyway. He was too sleepy.

"Morning." I replied. "I'm surprised you're already up." Usually he got up about an hour later.

He shrugged. "I woke up when I heard the shower. But that's cool, don't worry about it."

I nodded and he looked at me funnily and I couldn't help but blush a little. "You didn't shower yet, did you?" He finally asked me suspiciously. I slowly shook my head.

"But then who...?" he began, but was cut off by Viktor appearing in the door to my room.

"Vhat should I do viz ze tovel?" He asked me.

This situation was more than just awkward to me. It probably looked like Viktor and I... but it was obvious we weren't like that, right? He had a fiancé. But nobody really knew that here in Hogwarts... and our past spoke for itself... and this situation seemed to be pretty obvious.

"Just throw it on the floor." I replied quickly and he disappeared again.

I looked back up to Malfoy who just stared at me with an expression that I couldn't read for a while. Was that hurt? Or anger? Then his face transformed to a smug grin. "Well well, now I know why you've been so nice lately. Granger's getting some now, huh?" He sneered and made his way back to his room.

"No, Malfoy it isn't..." I began, but he was already gone. "like that."

Right then Viktor came out of my room again. "Vhere did zat boy of yours go?" He asked me smiling.

"Don't ask." was all I replied, frowning.

He smiled even wider. "Told you he vas jealous."

I rolled my eyes. "He is not jealous, Viktor."

"Vhatever." was his only reply. "I have to go nov zough or else I vill never see you again because I vill be beheaded by my lovely bride-to-be." He made a grimace.

"You said she'd be fine with it."

He shrugged. "Oh she vill be... after a vhile." He laughed and so did I.

"Well then you better leave right now!" I got up to give him a hug. After a couple of good-byes he then left and I sighed. Finally things between me and Malfoy had become better and that only because I was fighting with my friends. But I didn't even know how his current mood towards me was now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>Another chapter's uploaded. Read &amp; Review please! I love the feedback I'm getting from you people, it truely makes my stressed and awfully busy day soooo much better. You have no idea how crappy my life is right now due to all my obligations. I NEED reviews, it's the only thing that gets me through all of this every day. Well maybe I'm being a little extreme, but it really is true!<strong>

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	12. Chapter 12

I waited for Malfoy to come out of his room again. I needed some emotional support to be able to go down to breakfast and I was sure he did too. After a couple of minutes he appeared again, having showered. I just didn't feel up for one, I would just shower after breakfast.

"What?" He said as I smiled hesitantly at him.

"I don't want to go down there." I explained sheepishly.

"Then don't." was all he said, obviously not caring. So it was one of those of his moods again. That boy was moodier than a Veela.

I scowled at him and he sighed. "Okay, we'll go together. But don't ever mention it again." I smiled at him and he just walked out of the portrait hole. I followed him quickly.

"Aren't you a little scared... at all?" I wondered.

"Scared? Scared of what, Granger?" He asked debasingly.

"Of people staring at you."

He stopped abruptly and eyed me. "Granger, I get stared at every single day anyway. Just like you said, some of them think I'll pull my wand and hex everyone any minute, others think I am oh-so-hot." He looked disgusted by those kinds of people. I would not let him know that I was secretly one of them. "It doesn't matter to me anymore. I'll survive. And after this year I'll be out of this hellhole anyway and then I'll go far, far away from here and will start a new life."

Even though he tried to say it as if he didn't care, I could tell that he was sad about it. And I wanted nothing more than just to comfort him. Who would have known that the Slytherin prince himself, loved by the girls, admired by the boys, wanted to flee from his own life?

I nodded understandingly.

He sighed again. "And I'm a Malfoy, so I'm not scared of anything." I frowned at his words. He still talked like Lucius, even though he detested him more than any other person did. Old habits die hard, I guessed.

"The only thing that's worrying me is the people that will congratulate me. Sick bastards." He added. Congratulating someone for killing his own father might not be the most sensitive thing to do... I nodded again and we continued our way down the stairs.

The whole way downstairs we got stared at by people, probably not only because we were the latest causes of scandals, but also because we were walking downstairs _together_. My scandal was liking him after all. Which he still didn't know, but probably would come to know in a couple of minutes. If he went to breakfast and would meet all of his replaceable friends there...

I stopped in my tracks and held him back as well. "We shouldn't go to breakfast." I said urgently.

"Why? We'll have to face them eventually anyway. Might as well get it over with." He just replied.

"Yeah, but..." I started, but he cut me off.  
>"Granger. Suck it up like a big girl. No pun intended." He hissed and turned around to walk on. I followed him nervously. I was so screwed.<p>

When we arrived at the heavy door to the Great Hall he opened it easily (even though I was always struggling with it) and we stepped through it. People didn't at once stare at us, it was more like a Mexican wave. A couple of people saw us right when we came in and told their friends and so on. In a couple of seconds the whole hall seemed to know we were here.

"See you later." I whispered nervously and made my way to the Gryffindor table, not looking at anyone even though they followed me with their glances. Suddenly I noticed that I had no idea who to sit next to. Everyone I used to sit with was now mad at me. I looked around desperately. Dean and Seamus? No, Dean was with Ginny and they both were probably more likely to be on either her or Harry and Ron's side. I then laid eyes on Ginny, sitting next to a couple girls from her grade. She glared at me and I quickly looked away. Harry and Ron weren't at breakfast yet. When I had almost given up I caught sight of Lavender and Parvati that were whispering. I sighed and sat myself next to them.

"Hi girls." I said meekly.

"Hey Hermione." Lavender smiled.

"Listen, no one can really blame you for having a crush on Malfoy. It's not like any other girl in this school doesn't. Don't worry about it." Parvati rolled her eyes and smiled kindly.

Lavender nodded agreement and stared off to something behind me. "If he looks so damn handsome..." She sighed. I turned around just to see Malfoy talking to Blaise. Blaise seemed to tell him something and Malfoy listened, a frown on his face. _Oh shit. _was all I could think. He was telling him about the boggart right now. And sure enough Malfoys eyes locked on me and I turned around to my table quickly.

"Oh I think someone just got caught staring at him." Parvati and Lavender giggled.

I smiled nervously, but I was glad that they didn't make a big fuss about it. At least I knew that I would have someone to sit by now.

"You know, I don't really have a crush on him." I lied badly. "The boggart was closer to Blaise than me."

They just nodded and smiled knowingly. "Of course."

I ate my toast with marmalade and drank a sip of my cup of hot chocolate when I suddenly felt the presence of someone standing right behind me. I turned around, just to see Harry.

"Hi." I said, cautiously smiling.

"Hey." he said seriously. "Can I talk to you about something?"

I nodded and got up, ignoring all the gazes on us once more. As we left the Great Hall I glanced back at Malfoy, and he looked up again for a second, before laying his eyes back on Blaise.

"So...?" I asked carefully once the door was closed behind us.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, hurt in his face.

I sighed. "Because, Harry! Because of so many things. Because it's not my job to tell you something I wasn't supposed to know anyway. Because Ginny is my friend as well and I hadn't even really talked to her about it. Because you weren't together anymore anyways. Because I didn't want everyone to know..."

"Since when am I everyone?" He asked. "And since when did you know it anyway?"  
>I looked down at my shoes. "The fact that they did have sex... for a couple of months now. The fact that it was just a bet... since yesterday." I admitted.<p>

He sighed, sounding relieved. "So you didn't know back when we were together?" I shook my head energetically.

"Good." was all that he said and he smiled.

"So then we're... good?" I asked doubtingly.

He thought about it for a second and then nodded smilingly.

I laughed happily and hugged him tightly. "You have no idea how happy I am about that! I thought I had all three of you mad at me now. I'm so happy you're not! I love you, I love you, I love you!" I yelled out happily, while plastering pecks all over his cheeks.

He laughed and shook me off of him. "Since when are you so... affectionate?"  
>"Since I know how much it would suck to lose you, Harry!" I replied laughing.<p>

He chuckled a little and said "Well I haven't eaten yet, care to join me?"

I nodded quickly, even though I already had. We went back inside, people still staring at us, but I didn't care anymore. I sat down next to him and Dean and Seamus, smiling sheepishly.

"Hey Hermione." Dean murmured uncomfortably and Seamus winked at me.

"Hey guys." I just answered happily. They then continued having a conversation about Quidditch and I turned back to Harry. "So how mad is Ron, on a scale of one to ten?"

Harry bit his lip. "Ten being the maddest, right?"

I nodded.

"I would say, maybe a... 9." I almost choked on a piece of bread I had put in my mouth. "But you know him, he stays angry for a little while and then he just forgets about it."  
>I nodded again, not really convinced.<p>

"He's just being childish." Harry then murmured. I nodded a third time, this time very convinced of his words.

"And Ginny...?" I asked cautiously. Harry gulped his toast down and frowned.

"I haven't really talked to her. But Ron's furious at her. Almost as much as at you." He was angrier at me than his baby sister that had slept with his enemy?

"And you?"

He sighed. "I'm trying to tell myself that what's done is done, but... it doesn't really work."

I patted his shoulder. "I know."

"She cheated on me, Hermione. With Malfoy." He looked so hurt, I just wanted to hug him. And that's exactly what I did.

"I know." I repeated again, catching a glimpse of a blond boy, sitting at the Slytherin table and looking at me.

When we parted again he continued eating his toast.

"So Malfoy, huh?" He asked after a while. I just nodded slowly, not really knowing what to say.

"Does he feel the same way?" He continued. I shook my head defeatedly. "I'm sorry, Hermione. But maybe it's for the best."

"Yeah." I replied unconvinced, smiling sadly. He looked at me funnily and then turned back to his breakfast.

"Well if you're going for it anyway... which I'm not saying you should. I'm just saying that sometimes it's better fighting for what you want, even if it seems hopeless. Because then you at least don't have any regrets... but if you're going for it anyway, Hermione, promise me to be careful! We both know he's not exactly the first person I'd trust my life with and he does have quite the reputation.

I smiled at him. "Thank you, Harry."

He smiled back at me. "No problem, Hermione."

After we had been sitting next to each other silently for a while I then turned to Dean, trying to show him that he didn't have to be uncomfortable around me.  
>"So, how are things with Ginny?" I asked nicely, sounding nothing but polite. Then why did Seamus make motions with his hands to cut it?<p>

Dean frowned at me. "I wouldn't know." He then replied blankly.

It hit me right at that moment. Of course he had broken off the thing with Ginny. He had been in the common room too, when she had yelled that she had had sex with Malfoy. He probably knew that she still liked him as well.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Dean. I should've known, I just didn't think." I explained hastily.

"No problem." Dean smiled sadly at me. "It's not your fault."  
>The mood was kind of awkward for a couple of seconds and no one dared to say something. Then Harry said, trying to sound carelessly "So Dean, how's Quidditch practice going for you? I was thinking about trying something new this week."<p>

I smiled at him thankfully while Dean was vividly talking about last night's practice.

* * *

><p>When I was walking out of the hall, a little earlier than Harry since I still wanted to take a shower before going to class, I saw Malfoy leaning against the wall.<p>

He saw me, grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into a nearby broom closet.

"What the...? Let go of me, Malfoy!" I yelled out and he did as I said.

"Talk." He said as he leaned against the door.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>So another chapter's done now. Yay. Review please, it'll be appreciated. All the reviews make me sooo happy! I hope you still like where this story is going. I decided to upload this chapter fast because you had to wait so long for the previous one.<br>**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	13. Chapter 13

„What do you want me to talk about?" I breathed.

He sneered. „As if you didn't know. So the boggart was me, huh?"

I shrugged, as if I didn't care about it. „As far as I know it was. Blaise was standing right next to him, it was his. My boggart is Professor McGonnagal letting me fail in her class."  
>He raised his eyebrows. "That's rubbish. Why would Blaise's boggart be me?"<p>

I shrugged again, pretending to be bored out of my mind. "Why would my boggart be you?" I countered, pretending to be very interested in my finger nails. I still couldn't ignore the glare he gave me.

"I don't know." He replied coldly. "Why would it be?"

I moaned and looked straight at him. "Are you really that full of yourself? Don't you think that it's more likely that it was Blaise's than mine? He admires you, he loves you. I honestly don't care. Alone the thought that you think it was my boggart is repulsive to me."

I probably had never lied that much before. Well there had been the night when I had set Umbridge a trap to lead her into the Forbidden Forest, but apart from that I was giving the show of my life right now. I actually was able to lie when I wanted to. All this time I had thought I was just terrible at it, but I guess when I was scared enough... And I was scared out of my mind right now. If he knew then everything would change. He would change again and make my life hell on earth.

"So if there was a boggart in here right now, it wouldn't show me dead?" He asked, still unconvinced.

"No, it would show either your father or Professor McGonnagal." I sighed and acted like I was totally annoyed. "Can I go now?"

"I... yeah." He answered reluctantly and moved to the side so I could exit the broom closet. I ran up the stairs back to our common room and then leaned against the door, exhausted. Not only from running, but from lying as well. I closed my eyes, shaking my head slowly. Maybe I should just admit it, maybe I should just get it over with, he would come to know the truth eventually anyways. I should just swallow down my pride and tell him. But then he would have something in his hand against me and I'm sure he would use it. He would never let me forget it, always teasing me about it. And that would hurt much more than this. I could also try to keep that lie up, but could I even do that? Every single person in that room had seen that it was me that was closest to the boggart. What was my word against all the others? It didn't count anything. He didn't believe my big fat lie, even though I had lied so well, and he never would. I sighed and went to the bathroom, still caught up in my thoughts. So there was no way anyone would believe it was Blaise's boggart. But maybe I could come up with an excuse for why my boggart was Malfoy being dead. Maybe I could find another way to talk me out of this mess. I thought about it while letting the hot water of the shower numb my back and limbs. I spent way more time than usual under the shower, searching my mind for an idea.

* * *

><p>When I went to my first class of the day, Charms, I had to stand in front of the classroom for about five minutes, to convince myself that I really needed to go in there. I already had breakfast behind me, and that had been the hardest part, right? I closed my eyes and breathed in. I could do this. No one would even care. I had Charms with the Ravenclaws so there was absolutely no reason to freak out. I finally stepped through the door and sat down on my usual seat, right next to Lissa. She was a very quiet shy girl that never really had much to say. I was thankful for that. The lesson went surprisingly well, no one seemed to bother too much about me. A few glances and whispers I could make out, but nothing too bad. The rest of the day went just the same way. When I went back to my common room after dinner I knew that this would be bad. He would not just let me get by without interrogating me again and I hadn't been able to come up with an excuse to why my boggart would be his corpse. There was no other explanation to it. Only one thing made any sense – that I cared about him. A lot. After all the boggart hadn't been Ron or Harry dead. So did that mean that he was more important to me than Harry and Ron? Or was it just because it was an other kind of love? Or that I was more worried about him dying because I thought it was more likely? He did betray not only Voldemort, but also his father after all. I'm sure there were lots of former Deatheaters out there that would love to bring him some kind of punishment for that. I stopped in my tracks a couple of feet in front of the portrait. Did he live with that fear every day? Did he think that some Deatheater could just randomly pop up and kill him any minute? I shook my head. Surely he would not think about something like that. Surely he was just as carefree as the rest of us after the war had ended. I said the password and stepped through the portrait hole, preparing for the worst. The common room was empty. He wasn't here yet. Of course he'd be here soon, but for now I was safe. I sighed and sat down on one of the couches, spreading my books and parchment all over the table. I was halfway done with my Charms essay when I heard a reluctant knock on the portrait. I wondered who that could be. Malfoy did certainly not knock before coming in, so who was out there? I bit on my lip, thinking hard about if he had mentioned that he expected someone, while getting up and walking to the portrait hole.<p>

When I opened it up I was surprised to see who was standing in front of me.

"Hermione? I... I'm so... I'm so sorry!" She stuttered in between sobs. She looked terrible, her fire-red hair was as shiny as always, but that was the only thing that seemed alright with her.

"Ginny?" I asked surprised. "Come in." I didn't care that we were fighting, I didn't care that she had been impossible to me. Right now I could only see that my best friend was crying in front of me and needed my help. She stepped through the whole and let herself fall on one of the couches. I silently sat next to her and rubbed her back reassuringly. She didn't say anything, just whimpered quietly, while the tears were running down her cheeks, leaving her eyes almost as red as her hair.

"Ginny, what happened?" I asked her calmly. She just shook her head, still unable to talk, and leaned into me. I hugged her tightly and ran my hand over her soft hair. "Talk to me, Gin." I pleaded her and was close to tears myself. I couldn't stand seeing other people cry, especially when they meant so much to me. After a while the sobs slowly became silent and I finally let go off her.

"Gin, you need to tell me what's going on." I pleaded again and she nodded slowly. When she spoke her voice sounded unfamiliar, too weak and too pained to be Ginny Weasley's.

"You... you were right." She murmured and tears spilled from her eyes again. "I... I came across Blaise today." I knew where this was going. "He... he... laughed at... me." I took her hand and rubbed reassuring circles in her palm. "It's true... it... it was only a bet." She was close to having another fit of sobs again, I could tell.

"Gin..." I began, but she stopped me.

"That's not even the worst part." Her voice was so much higher than usual. I bit my lip and motioned her to continue. "I... I have no idea what has gotten over me." She whispered. "You... you are my best friend. I love you, Hermione. I trust you. I should have believed you. I was a total bitch. It's just... I thought I really liked him... and I just couldn't believe it. But I should have. Our friendship is so much more important to me." With those words she broke down again and let out terrible sobs. I pulled her closer to me again and hugged her.

"Shhhhhh. Shhhhhh." I made. "It's okay. Everything's okay. I forgive you, it's okay."I couldn't believe how fast she had changed back from that girl I hardly recognized to the Ginny I loved. As soon as she had found out the truth she had realized how wrong she had been. How wrong about me. We sat there hugging for a while, but I knew that I had to bring it up eventually. I delayed it as far as possible, but then I couldn't help it anymore. I had to state the obvious.

"Ginny, you're in Malfoy's common room right now. He could be back any minute."

I noticed that she had flinched slightly when I had said his name, but then she shook her head and leaned back from me. "No, he has Quidditch practice." I had totally forgotten about that. Quidditch practice had started a couple of weeks ago and both Harry and Malfoy were team captains. I nodded.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked after a couple of seconds.

"Yes?"

She hesitated a little bit. "You should really call him, Draco, you know?" I looked at her funnily. I didn't think I could ever do that.

"Especially if you like... get together." She added quietly. I opened my eyes wide. I understood that this was Ginny's way of saying that she was perfectly fine with me and Malfoy. She had just given me her approval.

"Are you sure?" I asked cautiously. To me it didn't seem like she was over him.

She nodded slowly. "Yes. I really am sorry you know."

I smiled at her and she returned that smile hesitantly. "I know."

"I just don't understand... how could I have been so stupid?" She seemed really confused about that. "How could I have not seen it? And how could I have thought that he could maybe have feelings for me too?"

I sighed and smiled sadly at her. "Because he's Malfoy. He does that to you."

She thought about it for a second and frowned. "You know, I really meant it when I said you should call him Draco."

I grimaced. "I don't know, it just doesn't feel right. It's as if I started calling you Ginevra suddenly. Sure it's your given name, but it just doesn't feel natural."

She smiled warmly. "And does it feel natural to you when he calls you Granger?" She asked.

"No..." I replied hesitantly.

She looked at her watch and frowned. "Just think about it, okay. I really have to go, Quidditch practice is probably over by now." She looked outside and shuddered. "I'm so glad that Harry canceled practice for today. I would not want to practice in that weather."

I looked out of the window as well. It was snowing. The first snow storm of the year.

"I really should get going." Ginny repeated and I followed her to the portrait hole.

"Ginny?" I said before she left. She looked back at me. "Just give me some time to digest all of this, okay? I can forgive you for the way you acted, but I can't forget it. Not yet anyway."

She smiled sadly at me. "I don't even think that it hurts because I liked him that much. The main reason why it hurt was because my pride was hurt and because I didn't know if I could ever make it up to you. I don't care what happens to him. The minute I realized what he did it all became clear to me. The true him became clear to me. He could rot in hell for all I care. But you... I only care about getting you back, Hermione."

I smiled back at her and she left. Sighing, but still a big smile plastered on my face, I sat down again to finish my essay. After no more than two minutes though I jumped up again. I really couldn't stand sitting in here while such a miracle was going on outside. I went to my room and got my warmest winter coat and gloves, a hat and a scarf out of my suitcase. I would dive into the winter wonderland tonight. And I would not meet Malfoy – or Draco – when he came back into the common room. Tonight was a good night.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>what do you think? The chapter that's about to come is probably my favorite so far! I love it! I hope you'll like it too, but for now let's talk about this one. I have to be honest, I kind of felt bad for Ginny being so... witchy and stupid. I hope you're not angry at me for making her apologize, but I couldn't stand them not being friends anymore. Let me know what you think! :)<strong>

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Regard this chapter as a birthday present. Happy birthday, Germany!**

* * *

><p>When I walked out of the big door I was aware that it really was way too late for me to be wandering around, but just like a couple of months ago I told myself that it was okay since I was Head Girl. If someone was to find me and scold me, I would just say that I was on patrol. No one, maybe except for Snape and Filch, would even doubt me. I breathed in the cold winter air and a big smile crept on my face. It was astonishing how fresh and cleansing the air became in the colder months. I walked a little around the lake, so I couldn't be seen from the castle as easily. The snow blew in my face and the wind whipped around my already frosted hair. I stopped, opened my arms wide and looked up to the sky. Laughing I then twirled around, faster and faster, until I finally became to dizzy to do so. I laughed on and caught for breath. There was just something about snow that made it irresistible to me. It was so beautiful and shiny when it just laid unspoilt on the ground, and something so powerful and terrifying when it came in a storm, just like it did today. I didn't understand all the people that preferred staying inside in the winter. How could they miss out on something like this? True, it was cold and the feeling of being so soaked wasn't exactly nice, but it was all worth for this cleansing air and this beauty. I picked up some of the snow that was on the ground and formed it into a ball. Then I threw it out on the lake, as far as I could. With a happy giggle I heard the plump sound when the snowball touched the still not frosted surface of the water and broke through it. Again I lifted my face to the sky. The only light there was was the moonlight and the light that shone through a couple of windows of the castle. This setting was just amazing.<p>

Suddenly I felt a solid body crash against my shoulder and I stumbled surprised. A slight pain shot through my shoulder, but it wasn't too bad. Did I just get hit by a snowball? I looked around confused, but couldn't make out anyone because of the dense snowfall.

"Hello?" I cried out and waited for a couple of seconds. No answer. I was almost ready to shrug it off and decide that my mind had played a trick on me, when I got hit by another snowball. I rubbed my thigh for a couple of seconds. It had definitely come from my right. I picked up some snow from the ground and formed it into a snowball, while slowly walking to my right. I could make out a shape that resembled a human body and threw the snowball at it, as hard as I could. I could see the snowball hitting the shape and the shape jerk. It looked like it was a tall man. I picked up another snowball and threw it again. The man dodged it as if it were nothing and threw another snowball at me that I saw too late. It hit me right on my chest and I moaned. Quickly I picked up two snowballs at a time and threw them right after each other, before I picked up the next ones. A big smile was plastered on my face. This was fun. My first snowball fight this year, it didn't even matter who it was with. The figure came closer and closer and constantly threw snowballs at me, just like I was constantly throwing snowballs at him. Then he was standing right in front of me, snow in the palms of his hands.  
>"Hey Granger." He said and I opened my eyes wide as I realized who was standing in front of me. I already had opened my mouth to reply something when I suddenly felt a bunch of snow in my face.<br>"Malfoy!" I cried out as soon as it was safe for me to open my mouth again. I heard him laugh and felt his hand pull back. I opened my eyes again and looked up to him. He was genially smiling and laughing. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Oh you have it coming." I said, a dangerous glint in my eyes. Without hesitation I rubbed him a bunch of snow in the face too and he groaned quietly and tried to dodge my hands, but I wouldn't give up that easily. Then he decided that the only way to stop me was with a counterstrike. He put his arms around me and gently, but powerfully forced me to the ground. I laughed and picked up more snow.

"Granger!" He groaned and I giggled even louder. Without being able to open his eyes he picked up snow too and rubbed it in my face. He was almost lying on top of me on the ground as we were both rubbing snow in each others faces.

"Truce!" I finally cried out. As I felt his hands pull away from me I lowered mine as well and scraped the snow off my face. I saw him do the same and had to laugh again. His eyelashes were glazed with snow and his cheeks were really rosy. It looked adorable. I looked at him and it appeared to me as if I was looking at him for the first time. The elfish twinkle in his eyes and the bright smile on his face were unknown to me. I had never seen them before, but I immediately knew that I wanted to see them again, every day if possible. The longer I was looking at him the weaker the smile and the twinkle became. Then they were totally gone and I realized that he too was just looking at me. I realized that he was still pretty much lying on top of me and how close he really was. His hand slowly reached up to my cheek and rubbed it ever so lightly. He didn't even wear gloves. I could see his gaze scurry down to my lips for a split second, then his eyes were back on my eyes.

"Granger?" I could hear his voice whisper, sounding more like a question. Then his lips were on top of mine and I forgot about everything else. All I knew was how warm and soft his lips were and that my heart was exploding. It wasn't a deep or passionate kiss, more of a soft sweet one, but I knew that if I had stood right now, my knees would have given in under me. His one hand was still on my cheek, pulling my face gently closer as my hand laid itself around his neck, without my mind even telling it too. It was like nothing else mattered in this moment, all that mattered was that his lips were on mine and that despite of the cold, my whole body was tingly and warm. Either he was the most amazing kisser walking this earth or this was magic. It was almost like when I had held my wand for the first time and that warm breeze had rushed through me, almost like it was heaven-sent. This was magical, this was heavenly. Then he slowly pulled away, smiling softly. We just looked at each other, unable to say anything and not wanting to end this moment. It was one of those moments that you will never forget in your whole life. Enchanting. Perfect.

Then suddenly it seemed like he awoke from a trance. "What the hell?" He asked, sounding angry. He sat up and glared at me. "What did you do, Granger?"

I looked at him confusedly. "What did _I_ do?" I cried unbelievingly.

"Did you jinx me again?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Jinx you? Why would you think that?"

"Well it definitely feels like I was jinxed! I don't feel good." He said, now more quietly. "Well I feel good, but not... normal." He then added.

Was he kidding?

"I just got kissed by a Mudblood." He whispered as if he were confused by it. A sharp pain shot through me, but before I could open my mouth and tell him that in fact _he_ had kissed _me_ and that I was not a Mudblood, he murmured, "I have to get back to the castle." and got up quickly. Without looking at me again he ran off and after a couple of feet I couldn't see him anymore. I just laid there for a couple of seconds, unable to understand what had just happened. He had kissed me and it had been magical. And then he hadn't felt normal? I raised my eyebrows. Could it just be that he had felt exactly what I had felt and didn't understand it? I hardly could understand it, but I knew what love was. He didn't. Or did he just feel sick? I sighed and got up. There was no use in wondering about it, that was for him to figure out, not for me. I knew what I felt. I sneaked back into the castle and into the common room. As I had expected he wasn't there, probably already in his room. I went to my own room and took off all of my wet clothes, before I put on my pajamas and went back into the common room to finish my Charms essay. After a couple of minutes I became really cold, so I got up and wrapped myself in a blanket.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>Are you as excited as I am? Their first kiss! Let me know what you think, do you think this kiss was good enough to be in a Dramione fic or too plain... cause then it would fit better into a Romione fic, right? Lol I'm just kidding all you Ron fans out there! So this story is slowly but surely heading towards its end. Don't worry there are a couple more chapters to come, but since I'm mostly done with the writing of them I started writing a new story. It's called "Doloribus Mors" and it's another Dramione fic, but very different. Don't bother looking for it, it's not up yet. But keep your eyes open for it, it won't be long anymore ;)<strong>

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	15. Chapter 15

When I woke up in the middle of the night I knew that something was wrong. I just didn't feel normal. I didn't feel right. I moaned and sat up a little bit, which I regretted in an instant. A sharp pain shot through my head and breathing hard I rested my head back on my pillow.

"Oh please, no!" I cried out and pulled my blanket further up so it covered every piece of my body except for my eyes. Still I was oddly cold, as if all the blankets in the world couldn't change that. I looked on the clock and saw that it was only three in the morning. That would explain why I was so tired. I rolled on my side and cuddled deeper into my blanket. I could not get sick, I had too much going on in school. Being sick was not an option. After a couple of minutes I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again it was light outside and my alarm clock rang painfully loud. With a moan I turned it off and remained lying in my bed for a little while. I didn't want to get up, I was so comfortable. Finally I sighed and sat up, trying to ignore the sharp pain in my head. As soon as my blanket was partially off of me it became ice cold in the room. My teeth chattered against each other and I laid my arms around myself. This could not be happening. I knew this feeling from when I had been a kid and my mom had stayed with me all day long to take care of me. But I hadn't felt it in years, I hadn't been sick in years. I moaned again and got up, the blanket wrapped around me again. I just couldn't take the cold. I made my way to the common room like that, feeling as if I was losing a sack race.

"Malfoy!" I cried out when I didn't see him in the common room and flinched because of what the loud noise did to my head.

"Shut up, Granger!" I heard him yell from his room.

"Malfoy, come here for a second!" I cried again. There was no way I would go to the Infirmary by myself.

I heard him moan and a couple of seconds later his door opened. He looked terrible, his usually pale skin was even paler now, his eyes were blood-shot, and he was wrapped up in a blanket as well.

"You look horrible." I said.

He glared at me. "Well you haven't looked into the mirror yet, have you?"

I pouted and tried to cover it up into an angry mask. "I need you to get me to the Infirmary."

His eyes opened up wide. "No, Granger._ I_ need _you_ to get me to the Infirmary."

I rolled my eyes. "How about we get each other to the Infirmary?"

He unhappily nodded and moved towards me, still the blanket around himself. "Wait a second..." He then murmured. "We're wizards." He shot me a disparaging glance and added. "Well at least I'm a wizard, you're a Mudblood."

I sucked in a lot of air. "I thought we said you didn't want to say that word anymore."

He looked at me coldly before he hissed, "Things have changed."

"Because we kissed yesterday, is that it?" I shot back, becoming angrier and angrier. How could he say things like that?

In a mere second he was standing right in front of me, his face only a couple of inches away from me. "Don't ever mention that kiss again." He growled coldly and I gulped. "I mean it." He added just as menacingly and I knew that I'd be too scared to bring it up from now on. He fished his wand out from underneath his blanket and my blood froze. He wasn't going to obliviate me or something, was he? But he held his wand towards himself and a second later he dropped his blanket.

"That's better." He sighed and looked at me with raised eyebrows. I must have been staring at him. I couldn't help it though when all that he was wearing were boxershorts and a wife-beater.

"You might want to change before we leave?" I suggested, my voice trembling ever so lightly. I pulled my wand out as well and warmed the air around me magically, dropping my blanket.

"I seriously couldn't care less." He replied cooly.

"Let's go then."

* * *

><p>Climbing up the stairs of the Grand Staircase had never been that hard for me. I could tell though that Malfoy, besides his athleticism, was struggling with it as well. That made me feel a little better. We didn't see a single living soul on our way up to the Infirmary, which wasn't surprising regarding the time. Most people were still getting ready or sleeping. Not only once on our way did I wonder who came up with the incredible clever idea to put the Infirmary on the highest floor of the whole castle. It just seemed odd to me.<p>

"Madam Pomfrey?" I yelled when we entered the Infirmary and didn't see her. I didn't get a response. I shot Malfoy a confused glance and he just shrugged. All of the beds were empty, no one was in sight. Suddenly a feeling of dizziness came over me and surprised I stumbled over to the closest bed and let myself fall on it. It felt like the whole room was spinning around me, Malfoy in it.

"Make it stop!" I whimpered and I could faintly hear him laugh.

"Don't be so melodramatic, Granger. You're only having a cold it's not like you're going to bite the grass any time soon." He snarled. "Unfortunately." He then added.

I didn't have the power to roll my eyes at him, instead I just held my head until my surroundings stood still again.

"Where's Madam Pomfrey?" I then pouted. I felt exactly like I had when I had been sick as a kid. I just wanted someone to take care of me and I didn't want to be alone.

"I'm here, Granger. I'm sorry I had to take an important call. Oh my, what happened to you two?" I heard Madam Pomfrey say and I looked up a little.

"Probably a flu, nothing serious. Even though Granger seems to believe that it's fatal." Malfoy said annoyed.

The next ten minutes went by with Madam Pomfrey examining both of us. "It really looks like you have a flu, both of you have fever. I will give you a potion against it but I'm afraid you will have to stay here for the next three hours."

I moaned. "With all respect, Madam Pomfrey, I would prefer not missing any classes..."  
>She gave me a glare that immediately shut me up. "Granger, how many years exactly did you practice medicine?"<p>

I didn't reply. She raised her eyebrows. "Well how about you leave medical decisions to my experienced apprehension then?" Again I didn't respond, but I could hear Malfoy snicker a little.

"Malfoy, how about you finally lie down on a bed, so that you can get the rest that you need?"

He fell silent and laid down in a bed a couple beds away from me. Then Madam Pomfrey went off and came back with a glass full of a nasty colored Potion for each one of us.  
>"Drink this." She said and left again without even looking back. I looked at the potion in my hand. It looked like a mixture of cat puke and excrement.<br>"That looks disgusting." I could hear Malfoy moan and I nodded agreement. I then plugged my nose shut with one of my hands and downed the potion in one big gulp.

I couldn't help but scream out in disgust. The potion tasted exactly what it looked like.

"That bad?" Malfoy asked, a funny tone in his voice.

I put the empty glass down on the night stand next to me and shrugged. "No." I lied. "It actually tastes a lot like hot chocolate."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?" I didn't answer him. "Well thanks for the try, Granger." He quickly downed the potion as well and his face became a grimace of disgust. I tried to ignore how his mood had just changed from being completely grumpy to kind of civil. That boy was so moody, it was ridiculous.

"That is disgusting!" he cried out as soon as he had swallowed the liquid down. I couldn't help but laugh at his face. He looked as if... as if he had just kissed a Mudblood. My smile died as quickly as it had appeared on my face, thinking of the events of last night. Sure, it had been magical at first, but then his reaction had ruined everything. I just didn't understand it.

"Malfoy?" I asked him after a while.

"Hmmm?" He made, sounding like he was half-asleep.

"Don't you think... don't you think that it's about time to let go of the ridiculous views your father taught you?"

I immediately regretted asking him that question when I saw him tense and sit up in his bed a little bit.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said coldly.

I fought with myself for a second. "Do you really think that Purebloods and Muggle-borns are that different?" I finally asked weakly.

It looked like he was struggling with himself for a second, then he said quietly, almost not hearable. "No, I don't."

"Then why do you pretend to?"

He glared at me. "What's it to you, Granger?"

I shrugged. "I'm trying to understand you." I then finally replied.

He laughed out coldly. "Oh please, you're not trying to understand me. You're just fancying me!"

It felt like a dagger through my heart, but I didn't let it show. "See, there's what you're wrong about. I _am_ trying to understand you." I knew that I didn't deny his accusation of fancying him, but when I was honest to myself I knew that it was way too late for that anyway. He knew because of the boggart and because of how I acted and because of how I had kissed him. I, on the other hand, knew that he wasn't completely indifferent about me either.

He looked at me for a while, as if deciding if I was worthy of his trust. "Because it's what people expect of me, it's what I'm expected to think."  
>"It's what <em>he<em> would expect of you." I added and we both knew who I was talking about. I could see his jaw clench together. He seemed to think hard.

"You're right." He finally sighed. "It's what _he_ would expect of me. As much as I have fought him, I still haven't even dared to fight what lies he has fed me all my life."

I smiled slightly. "Well you certainly have enough time to think about it now."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>What do you think? Big mighty wizards being struck down by a flu? Yay or nay? Review and let me know! Also: My new fic "Doloribus Mors" is up now, here's the link to it: <em>.nets/7443320/1/Doloribus_mors_ . You obviously have to put a _fanfiction_ before the _.net_ - Or you can just go to my profile and you'll find it. I'm really excited for it, it was so challenging but fun to write.  
><strong>

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	16. Chapter 16

„Granger?" I heard a voice and my eyes slowly fluttered open.

„Hmmm?" I asked sleepily.

"We're allowed to leave now."

I slowly sat up. After waiting for a couple of minutes I finally managed to get up and follow Malfoy out of the infirmary.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He then asked.

I nodded. "Sure."

He hesitated a little bit and then went into an empty classroom. As soon as the door was closed behind us he turned to me.

„I think I need to apologize."

„What?" I almost yelled out in surprise.

Malfoy smiled sadly. „Apologize to you."  
>„I... I got that part." I just stuttered. Draco Malfoy wanted to apologize to me? Had hell really frozen over?<p>

„Well I know that you already know this, but... all this time... my behavior. That wasn't me. It was my father. I always knew that there's no difference between my and your blood. And I always knew that the whole idea of blood-traitors was just ridiculous. I also knew that thinking I was better than anyone else was stupid. But I took the easy way and just went along with all the things my father taught me. Maybe I wanted his approval and wanted to make him proud, maybe I was too scared to disobey, maybe I just did what was expected from me since I was a Malfoy. It doesn't really matter why, the fact is that I know all those things I did were wrong, I even knew it when I did them. And I want to apologize for that." He explained.

I just stared at him for a long moment. I couldn't make out all the words that were spinning around in my mind, like a big tornado. Of course I had kind of figured this, but hearing it from him... He looked at me expectantly, obviously wanting an answer.

"So what do you say?" He finally asked a little insecure. Draco Malfoy, insecure? If anyone had told me about this a couple of months ago I would have sent them to St. Mungo's. When he realized I wasn't going to say anything he just continued talking.

"Even after my father... died, I held on to it. Just like you made me realize earlier – even after I killed him I didn't dare to kill his influence on me. And it is time to. I know that now."

He waited for a response from me again.

"Well... I guess I forgive you?" I said. Why did this sound like a question?

"Well... I had actually hoped for more than that." He said and smiled reluctantly. More than my forgiveness? What else did he want from me? "I thought that maybe... you could help me?"

I cocked an eyebrow. "How?"

He shrugged meekly. "You know... help me changing my ways..."

I couldn't help but let a smug smile spread over my face. He had asked me for help. Me, Hermione Granger. Today was definitely one of the best days of my life.

"And possibly not rub it in." Malfoy added as soon as he saw my facial expression.

I acted innocent. "Me? No way!"

He rolled his eyes. "So what do you say, Granger?"

I thought about it for a second, before I replied. "I say rule one: stop calling people by their last names and start calling them by their given names. Rule two: you don't ever use the words "Mudblood", "Pureblood", "Blood-traitor", and "filthy" again. Rule three: you start opening up to people, maybe even talk about your emotions for a change..." I was going to continue, but he interrupted me.

"How long is this list going to be? Should I take notes?" Sarcasm was dripping off his tongue.

"_You_ asked _me_ for help and you're going to follow my rules." I myself couldn't believe what an authority radiated from my body and voice when I said that.

"Fine." He replied, not happy about it at all. "But just so you know, the last thing you said is never going to happen. Not only do guys never talk about their feelings, but I also don't _know_ what I'm feeling half of the time. That's why..." He quickly cut himself off.

"That's why what?" I wanted to know.

"Nothing." was all he responded coolly.

I groaned. "Rule number three of my not-even-closed-to-finished list says that you should open up to people."

"That's why I distract myself from them."

"Distract yourself how?" I asked confusedly.

He rolled his eyes. "God, Granger. It's not that hard to figure out."

"First of all, rule number one – no last names. Call me Hermione. Second of all, just say what the heck you mean and stop beating around the bush!"

He glared at me. "You know I'm already regretting that I asked you for help."  
>"Just spit it out." I said calmly.<p>

He sighed. "Well, _Hermione_..." He pronounced my name especially strong. "all my life I haven't been able to say what I mean or talk about what I feel. I grew a habit of bottling every emotion up. And... well to forget them, at least for a while, I well..." Did he really blush a little? I raised my eyebrows, encouraging him to speak on. "I... I sleep with girls to forget about how shitty my life is for a while, okay? I always have, probably always will. Others take up firewhiskey." He spat out quickly, sounding very angry about making that confession. I felt my jaw drop, but couldn't do anything against it. Malfoy had just given me kind of understandable and comprehensible reasons for all of his bad behavior. The name-calling, the snobbishness, the sleeping around. I couldn't exactly identify with his reasons since I'd never been in any situation like his, but understanding it was easier than that. I had heard of many people that were using sex as an escape from their complexes, mostly in Muggle movies and gossip rags. But even when I understood it...

"You do realize how much you hurt girls?" I asked him, a big lump in my throat.

"What do you mean?" He asked me, sounding a little confused.

"Do you know how many girls actually want you to see them as _the one_? You think that it's all a game for them too, but it's not. For most of them it isn't at least. No girl can not have any emotions when doing something like that."  
>He raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me, but I never lied to a girl in my life! They all know what I'm up to and that I don't want anything serious. And they're all old enough to be held responsible for their own decisions."<p>

He had a point there. All of those girls knew. "But probably almost all of them wish that they could make you change your ways and become more than just a fling for you. That's just our nature!" I had really meant to say "_their_ nature", but it just had come out that way. Luckily he didn't notice anyway.

"That's stupid." was all he could say about that.

"It's not. It's romantic." I replied sheepishly.

He cocked his blond eyebrow. "I'm not going to apologize for sleeping with girls that did that on their own free will. They knew."  
>"Then apologize for misusing the effect you have on every female being on this earth." I hissed back. It was probably not the best idea to boost his ego even more by saying something like that. He stepped closer to me, his eyebrow cocked again.<p>

"_Every_ female being on this earth?", he asked a crooked smile on his face.

"Well... I'm guessing... Not that I would know..." I stuttered and laughed bashfully.

He was standing right in front of me now. "Granger..." I still managed to glare at him. "Fine, Hermione. I can put two and two together. You're boggart is my corpse, you're suddenly really nice to me, you rant about me sleeping with other girls all the time, you kissed me back and earlier you said that no girl can not have any emotions when doing stuff like that. And now you said that _every_ female being on this earth is affected by my awe-inspiring looks? You fancy me!"

"Well I'm definitely not going to help you _now_!" was all I could whisper quietly.

* * *

><p>I didn't want to wait for what he had to say or how he would respond to me fancying him. I just wanted to get out of here. Whatever he had to say, I was sure it would be bad, and I didn't want to hear it. I half turned to the door, but I felt his hand on my arm and knew he wouldn't let me get off that easily.<p>

"Hermione." He said calmly. "There's nothing wrong with that. If I was a girl I would be completely amazed by my sexiness as well."

I didn't know if he was trying to be funny or if he was serious, but it didn't matter to me anyways. He knew I was having a thing for him, so did it really matter if he got to know the whole truth about it? It wouldn't change a thing.

"I'm not." I replied, surprised by how composed my voice sounded. "I mean sure you look good, but that's besides the point."

"Then what is the point?" He whispered, his face being dangerously close to my own.

I breathed in and could smell his scent. It was like an aphrodisiac to me.

"The point is that..." I hesitated, not knowing how I should put it in words. "I like you for you and not your looks."  
>He raised his eyebrows, obviously caught off guard. "And what makes you think that you know the real me?"<p>

I smiled halfheartedly. "You're not as inscrutable as you think you are. It's not hard to figure you out, most people just never tried."

A frown appeared on his face. "Well if you have figured me out then you should know that I despise people that act like they have figured me out even though they didn't."

My smile turned a little sad as I replied, "I know. You like to think of yourself as a lone wolf, someone the whole world looks at but just can't figure out the motives for his actions. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but not only have I figured out your motives a while ago, but you also explained them to me a couple of minutes ago."

I could see his jaw clench together, but he didn't respond to me.

"Draco." I said, feeling shivers going down my spine as I spoke his given name, "You are a good guy that had some terrible decisions made for him by others. But none of it is your fault."

He sneered. "A good guy? What kind of guy kills his own father? I don't think a good guy would."

I sighed almost silently. "A desperate guy." was all I answered quietly.

He just looked at me for a long moment. "Why did I have to tell you so much about myself?" He then whispered. And just when he asked me that question it hit me. The reason why he had opened up to me lately. The reason why to me and not to anyone else. And as scared as I was of mentioning it to him, I knew that I had to. I knew that he would probably never be able to figure it out on his own. He needed a little kick in the behind.

"Because you trust me."

"Why would I do that?"

I shrugged a little. "I'm not sure. But it could be the same reason why you kissed me last night." I knew that I was going way over my head with this conversation, but I was fairly proud of myself for standing so strong and firm behind what I believed. Usually now would be the time for me to stutter and stumble around, due to my social awkwardness when it came to love. But not this time. I knew that this time might be the only chance I would get to make him realize.

"Maybe the same reason why you're jealous of Viktor every time you see him." I added after a small pause. "Maybe the same reason why you didn't talk to me for about two months." I wanted to add things like _The reason why you didn't hit me back when I slapped you in our third year. The reason why you were constantly repeating that you wanted the monster from the chamber to kill me in our second year. The reason why you teased me even more than you teased Harry or Ron all those years. The reason you never slept with me when you basically did it with the whole school._ But I didn't want to lean too far out of the window, so I forced myself to shut up. He would get the overall point of it without those examples. I could see his eyes widen further and further and when I had stopped talking, he was just staring at me.

"Have you gone insane, woman?" He asked, totally bewildered. As much as he unsettled me, I didn't let it show.

"Maybe. Have you?" I replied quietly.

"I think so."

His eyes met mine, confusion in them. We just looked at each other for a brief moment, then his lips met mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck. The sweet taste on my lips exploded into my mouth when his tongue moved along my upper lip and I let him in. It was like a chemical reaction. His tongue plus my tongue equaled fireworks. The kiss wasn't as slow or emotional as the first one we had shared, it was full of passion and lust. Even though I had never been kissed like that my body knew exactly how to respond to it. I had never felt such a desire before, I didn't know how to still that ache inside of me, I just knew that I couldn't stop. His hands ran along my waist, down to my hips, along my outer thighs and up again. I had to control my body so I wouldn't shake in lustfulness. I knew that whatever he had done in that moment, I wouldn't have made him stop, I would have went along with it. But he kept it clean, and then eventually pulled back. He rested his forehead against mine and said, "I don't understand."

Of course he didn't, he was emotionally abused by his family. He had never been shown what love looked like, or what to expect from it.

I mustered up all the courage inside of me and put all my eggs in one basket. "I love you, Draco." I whispered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>Oh my gawd, I love cliffhangers. Not if I don't know how it goes on, but definitely when I'm the one in charge of them. Tell me what you think about this all and review. It's getting closer and closer to the end now, I think there are about three more chapters to come after this one. Then my first fanfic will be done. So excited. Again, also check out my new fic "Doloribus Mors". It's up now, just look on my profile.<br>**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	17. Chapter 17

He pulled back and I could see all of the color disappear from his face. I had expected him to panic of course, but part of me had hoped he wouldn't. Part of me had hoped he would for once know what exactly it was he was feeling. But he was a boy that had never been good about emotions, never really knew what positive emotions felt like. Of course he wouldn't know what to say or do.

„I don't expect you to say anything. Just... just give it a thought, okay?" I asked him and he nodded slowly. His hands were still around my waist and mine were still around his neck and neither of us was intending to change that.

"Draco?" I then finally murmured.

"Yes?"

"Don't act in a Malfoy-manner about this, okay?" My voice was back to sounding weak and nervous, all the confidence that I had a couple of minutes ago was gone.

"What do you mean?"

I gulped heavily. "Well don't handle this situation like you would have a couple of weeks ago. You wanted to change, remember? If you return my feelings than show me, if not then let me down in a nice way. I don't think I could handle it if you went around telling anyone and made fun of me." I had to swallow back my tears and looked down, scared of what the future would bring now that I had made this revelation.

He gently held my chin with his thumb and made me look up to him. His eyes met mine and I had never seen such an intensity in them. "I promise you I will not act in a Malfoy-manner about this. I will act in a Draco-manner." His voice was so clear and encouraging that I couldn't help but trust him about this. And that was a first for me. I had loved him for so long that it almost hurt to know that change would come, whether for the better or for the worse I didn't know yet, but I had never been able to trust him. Because even though that the decisions he had made weren't his, I never had known what they would be. How high they would be on the cruelty scale.

I smiled sadly. "Thank you." I whispered.

He just nodded and his face came closer to me again. As his lips laid on mine again, a heat rushed through me once again. If this was what it felt like to kiss Draco then I wanted to do it every day, all day, for the rest of my life. The kiss was sweeter than the last one, full of confused emotions that had even me baffled by them. I could feel all of his confusion and all of his fear. He was scared of what he was feeling. He didn't know how to deal with it.

I pulled back reluctantly. "Draco." I said, tears in my eyes. He didn't want to listen, he tried to catch my lips with his again, possibly trying to shut me up.

"Draco. You need to think. And you can't think if you're kissing at the same time. At least I can't."  
>He looked at me blankly. "I can't help you figure this out, Draco." I took his hands off me and a big frown appeared on his beautiful face. It seemed like he was pouting.<p>

"Tell me when you know." I said quickly and practically ran out of the room before I lost the will to do so. He had some serious thinking to do. And I was scared of that. What if he found that he didn't love me back? What if he thought that emotions were too painful and he wanted to go back to being a true-to-death Malfoy? But he had promised me he wouldn't. And I trusted him. But what if he returned my feelings? What would happen then? His family obviously wouldn't stand in our way anymore, but what about my friends? Harry said he didn't have anything against it if I was careful, but would he really be able to deal with me and Draco being together? And Ginny had given me her approval as well, but what if she got jealous? Not because she liked Draco that much, I believed her that she didn't, but because she had tried to tie him down and had failed and I hadn't. And Ron had always been against it, what would he say? Would we never be able to be friends again? I shook my head as I ran down the stairs of the Grand Staircase. I shouldn't think about these things yet, what I had to worry about was his decision. I truly believed that he didn't understand his feelings and I didn't know if he would any time soon. Maybe it would just be too much for him. He was emotionally malfunctioning due to his family history and his terrible past. Just like he had told me, everyone in his life was replaceable to him. What if he would never be able to break out of that pattern? Tears were running down my cheeks, tears of fear and sadness. Fear because I didn't know what to expect and of what could possibly happen, sadness because it made me sad to see him so torn, so confused and in some way disturbed. On the other hand it seemed like a ray of hope that he had made all the revelations he had in the mere time of three hours. Maybe it wouldn't take him that long to figure things out after all...

I looked on my watch. Lunch had just ended and students would soon go to their classes, passing by me. I quickly wiped away my tears, not caring that I was still in my pajama. I had been sick today, I could afford to be wearing pajamas.

"Hermione? Is everything okay?" I heard Ginny say a couple of stairs up. I looked back and ran towards her, hugging her tight and letting the tears flow again.

"What's wrong?" She asked worried. "Did he... did he do something to you?" I could hear anger in her voice and I shook my head.

I heard her sigh relieved. "Come on, let's go somewhere less public. Other students will be here any minute." For the second time this day I followed someone into an empty classroom.

After I had explained everything that had happened to Ginny she just looked at me confusedly.

"So that's good. Why are you crying?" She wanted to know.

"Because I'm an emotional wreck and confused and scared!" I yelled out. She smiled sadly and ran her hand over my hair.

"Listen, I know that this is all scary. But change is good. He will either realize that he loves you too, and I'm pretty sure he will. Or he will let you down cautiously. He promised you. And in that case you at least know for sure and you'll never think about the possibility that maybe he feels the same way. Then you can get over it."

There was no use in telling her that I would probably never get over him. If I hadn't managed to do so the last six years then why would that change?

"I know that it's not a comparison, because quite frankly I don't think I ever really liked him. Looking back at it I think I just liked the idea of it. Of going all Romeo and Juliet you know... and yes I do know some Muggle literature. But anyway, I know that it's not a comparison, but I could just get over him when I realized that he would never think about me in that way. As soon as I knew that though, I got over him in about fifteen minutes. Due to you having stronger feelings and all I think it will take you longer, but it's possible. Very possible. And if he loves you too and figures that out, then everything's good anyway, right?"

I shrugged. Yes, of course it would be good, but then again what about Harry and Ron?

"So if him and I got together... can you promise me you wouldn't be mad?" I asked quietly.

"Of course, Hermione!" She immediately said and held my hand. "I love you and I'm happy if you're happy. It's true that I don't care about Malfoy too much right now, but that doesn't matter. Because I will learn to."  
>I smiled weakly. "And what about Harry and Ron?"<br>She moaned. "I don't really know since neither of them have spoken a word to me ever since our little incident. But I'm sure Harry would be understanding... he's really an amazing person." Her voice sounded oddly dreamy. Then it hardened again. "And Ron... well that prat will have to get over it."  
>I laughed a little and felt better. She was right, at least that decision would mean that I knew. That was all I could hope for right now.<p>

"Hermione?" She asked, suddenly sounding very hesitant, almost nervous.

"Yes?"  
>"I was just wondering... does this mean that you have forgotten about my behavior yet?"<p>

I smiled. "Yes, Ginny. It means exactly that."  
>One of the brightest smiles I had ever seen on her appeared all over her face.<p>

"Hooray!" She yelled out and suddenly tears were streaming down her face as well.

"Gin, what's wrong?" I asked confused.

She shook her head. "Nothing, I'm just happy. I couldn't imagine what life would be like without my best friend. I just wish Harry and Ron would be as forgiving as you."

I smiled again. "Harry will be understanding eventually... He's really an amazing person. And Ron... well that prat will have to get over it." I repeated her words.

She smiled sadly. "I guess."

I rubbed her back. "Have you apologized to Harry yet? And tried to explain?"

She shook her head. "Every time I want to I just get scared."

I looked at her sympathetically. "Well I was always scared of admitting my true feelings to Draco and I somehow managed to anyway."

Suddenly a big grin was plastered on her face. "What?" I asked curiously.

She shrugged. "I just noticed that you started calling him Draco. That. Is. So. Cute."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

"Hermione and Draco sitting in a tree..." She began singing and I hit her on the back of the head.

"Stop it!" I laughed.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" She continued and ran around the room so I couldn't hit her anymore.

"Oh my god, Gin!" I yelled amused.

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a golden carriage!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>I think the next chapter will FINALLY be from Draco's POV. Yay! Review, no matter if what you have to say is nice or not! And as always the friendly reminder to check out my new Dramione fic "Doloribus Mors" too :)<br>**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	18. Chapter 18

What the bloody hell was going on? How had this happened and how was it possible he hadn't even noticed? He could have prevented it from happening. He could have prevented this feeling. He sighed and walked down the stairs, still in only his wife-beater and boxers. It wasn't like he cared. If anything it only would make him more popular with the girls. A frown appeared on his face, darkening his gray eyes. Why did that thought not make him happy? Getting with girls had been the highlight of the last year. The thought of successfully getting a girl that had never intended to go that far into his bed had always made him smile smugly. It had made him feel like his life wasn't entirely worthless. So why did he frown when thinking about it now? Why didn't it make him feel good about himself?

He skipped two stairs at once and ignored the first people walking past him and staring at him in awe. He of course knew what effect he had on people – if anything at least his looks were something he could thank his father for – but it had only come to annoy him. After all none of those people really knew him, they didn't understand him. But they still seemed like they worshiped the earth he was walking on. Not only once did he notice girls giving him a once-over. His frown only became deeper after that. Was is really possible that Hermione saw him as more than just his body?

He shook his head softly and walked down the hallway towards the common room. Maybe she would be in the common room. Part of him wished she would, the other one was far too confused. That part of him dreaded seeing her again, knowing that it would only confuse him more. She was right, he had to sort things out. He needed to.

The common room was empty and he sighed relieved, but at the same time couldn't help wondering where she was. He took a quick shower and dressed into his uniform before he looked at his watch. He was just in time for lunch, but for some reason the mere thought of food made his stomach turn upside-down. Sitting down on his bed he glanced around his room. He could make out a couple of panties on the floor, next to the other things he had just tossed on the floor without ever looking at them again. At Malfoy Manor houselves had always cleaned for him and when he had still lived in the Slytherin dorms he had made other Slytherins clean for him. But this was chaos and he never really had noticed before. He really needed to tidy up his room.

* * *

><p>Maybe it had just been a way of procrastinating. The frowned re-appeared on his face. Of course it had been a way of procrastinating. He had never bothered cleaning his room before. But it had turned out to be an activity that left him without any thoughts for at least an hour. But after that the nagging feeling was back and he had to surrender to it. He had to find out what was going on. Why he was feeling this way. Once again he sat down on his bed, letting a snitch he had once stolen fly up a couple of inches before he caught it again.<p>

His mind traveled back to the moments he had shared with Hermione, the first one being when they had been on the couch and he had stolen her book. She had been on top of him, her body pressed on his. He had tried to not let her see how much that had affected him and his body. The softness of her body, the fairness of her skin, the spark in her eyes when she had stared into his. He had let himself drown in her chocolatey eyes for a couple of moments before reality had hit him again. Then thoughts of his father had rushed through his mind.

He shook his head sadly, catching the snitch as if it was nothing at all. His father would not have approved of him having a moment like that with a mudblood. At all. Draco squinted his eyes. Why did he care so much about what his father would think? He was dead, Draco had killed him. It didn't matter what he would have thought if he was still alive. He wasn't. And it didn't matter. Draco shook his head again and shut his eyes completely, allowing the snitch to fly around in the room. Mirko, Draco's old owl, followed it suspiciously with its eyes.

After that Draco had felt that something had changed for him even though he hadn't admitted it to himself. But then that night in the snow when he had decided to take a walk after Quidditch practice. The snow fight had been surprisingly fun and then somehow he had landed on top of her. He had seen her rosy cheeks, the glowing skin, the frosted lashes and he had lost it. The feeling that he had felt had been completely new to him. He had kissed a lot of girls in his life, so many that he had stopped counting. But it had always just been a way of releasing frustration and sexual tension, not something that had actually made him feel anything. But that kiss had been so pure and sweet, it had made his heart ache.

He accio-ed the snitch back into his hand, too lazy to get up. He had always bullied her, Scarface and Weaselking. Looking back at it he didn't understand why. Sure, his father would have killed him had he befriended them, but he could have just ignored them. He knew that his father hadn't been the only one to blame. He had done it on his own, the bullying and hexing. And if he was honest to himself he knew that it had been a lot about hurt emotions as well. When Potter had first denied his friendship-offer he had been furious. And he had sworn himself he would make Harry Potter's life hell. Of course after a while he had grown up, but the harm had already been done. He had pretended hating the Golden Trio, but he knew that it was just that – a pretense. He didn't hate Harry, he sure didn't hate Hermione, he didn't... well actually he had never been too fond of the Weaselking.

He sighed, not wanting to think about all of it anymore. He got up and let the snitch fly around his room again.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day had been surprisingly unsettling for Draco. Sitting in his classes he had been unable to ignore that Hermione was not in the classes she should be having with him. Frustration built up inside of him and increased with every minute that passed by.<p>

He knew the fact that he didn't hear a word the professors said, was bad. But he knew that he couldn't help it. He missed seeing that bushy hair.

Dinner then was the hardest thing for him. He was sitting at the Slytherin table, Blaise across the table of him, telling him some story, but he didn't even listen to him. His eyes lay on a brown bush at the Gryffindor table. Even the back of her head was beautiful. He met Potter's eyes for just a second and lowered his eyes back to his plate.

"Draco, how are things going?" He then heard a voice next to him whisper and looked up surprised.

"The same." He just replied, not really caring about the pretty girl next to him. He felt it when she laid her hands on his arm and stroke him a little, trying to be sexy.

"I was wondering if you have any plans for tonight..." Her voice trailed off and he looked up to her again. She gazed at him from behind her dense lashes and smiled mischievously.

"Listen,..." He started, searching his mind for the right name.

"Natalia." She replied, still trying to sex him up with her smile.

He gulped hard. "Listen, Natalia... I'm not sure if that is a good idea."  
>"Why not?" She replied sweetly, letting her fingers slide up his arm and down his chest.<p>

He shot a quick glance at the Gryffindor table and met Harry's eyes again. Great.

"Because..." He started, not sure how he should explain. Because he wasn't sure it was the right thing to do? Because he was scared he would hurt Hermione? Because he wasn't in the mood for it?

She looked at him expectantly and let her hand move down his stomach, further and further south.

He gulped again. "Well I'm not sure if it would be fair." He finally stated quickly, trying to not be aroused by her touch.

She leaned forward and her breath tickled his ear as she whispered, "Why not?"

"Because..." He breathed in sharply when her hand moved a little bit under the waistband of his pants.

"Because?" She questioned him cheekily.

What reason was there really? She knew what she was getting into and it wasn't like Hermione and him were dating. There really wasn't any reason why he should turn her down. It was a win-win situation.

"So?" she asked, her fingers steadily moving further downwards.

"Meet me at nine in the Slytherin common room." He replied and turned away from her quickly, before what she was doing under the table was becoming too obvious. He glanced towards the Gryffindor table again, feeling guilty and once again met Potter's eyes. He was eyeing Draco suspiciously, a look that was saying "You better behave." on his face. He was screwed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**  
><strong>So I decided to make the story just a liiiiittle bit longer by adding a couple of chapters in Draco's POV... I'm obviously not a guy so I can only jump into his psyche to a pretty shallow amount. The mysteries of the male brain are endless to me. Lol tell me what you think :)<strong>

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Okay first off: I am sooooooo sorry that I haven't updated in like almost a month! I really have no excuse! Yes, school and life has been pretty busy but the truth is: you can always make time for stuff like this. I think the reason I haven't updated in so long is that I just couldn't get myself to write the next chapter. Don't get me wrong, I love writing this story and everything, it's just that I wasn't able to put my heart in it. I started writing the chapter and after a couple words I found myself staring at the screen blankly and finally closing the document again. I guess this is what a writer's blockade feels like? Anyway, I am happy to announce that it is now officially over and I'll try updating regularly again. I hope you can forgive me. Well here we go...**

* * *

><p>Draco strolled down the corridor, not sure whether the direction he was heading was the right one or not. For some reason he did not want to reach his destination. He would walk faster if he did, wouldn't he? He shook his head and leaned against a wall, next to the portrait of an old witch for a second.<p>

_Get yourself together, Draco. _He told himself and took another step towards the dungeons. This was ridiculous, why did this feel like the walk to the death row? It was just a girl. He had had so many girls this past year, what did one more girl change? He stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes. Things had changed. And they would change even more. With every step he was taking towards the dungeons he was taking a step away from change. He was scared of change. But why? It wasn't exactly like his life was fulfilled and he was happy – change had to be good because his life couldn't get much worse, could it?

He began walking again, taking one step at a time. Change was something scary. Change meant risks, stepping out of the comfort zone... he didn't want to change. He wanted change to just hit him, but he did not want to change himself to get there. Or had he already changed? Hadn't his moral code already changed? When he thought back at it now he hated the thought of following the Dark Lord and his orders, but even back then he had despised it. He now thought it was wrong to kill a man, let alone his own father, but even while doing that he had known so. He had always known it was wrong to bully the Golden Trio and Gryffindors in general, he had just not found the strength to stop... but now he had. Ever since the beginning of the year he hadn't bullied a single person. Sure, there had been fights with Hermione, but they couldn't be considered as bullying... Her face appeared in front of his eyes and he gulped hard. He knew that even though they were far from dating she would be hurt if she found out about him and what-was-her-name. Could he really do that to her? But then again, what right did she have to feel hurt about it? He didn't belong to her, he was his own being. He shook his head again and almost ran into one of the people he wanted to see the least right now.

"Malfoy, watch where you're going!" The boy who lived grunted.

"Sorry." Draco immediately replied off guard, still caught in his own thoughts.

Potter gave him a puzzled look and didn't move. He just stared at him.

"What?" Draco finally hissed.

"You just apologized to me."

"I guess I did."  
>"It sounded like a reflex."<br>Draco raised his eyebrows. "Do you have a point, Potter?"

Harry shrugged. "I just didn't think you had it in you."

"You don't know a thing about me." was all Draco replied as he tried to push past Potter. But said boy moved in his way again.

"You're actually not that big of a mystery, sorry to disappoint you."

Draco couldn't help but roll his eyes at him. "Whatever."

Harry hesitated for a moment, then he whispered "And whatever you're up to right now... don't do it."

Even though Draco wanted to reply a snarky remark or just shut him up, he was speechless for a mere second.

"It will hurt her. And if you hurt her, I will hurt you." Harry had come closer, his voice becoming deeper and threatening. He really knew how to push someone's buttons.

"Listen, Potter." Draco spat debasingly. "I don't know what it is with your lot trying to stick their noses into places that are none of their business... but if your nose ever comes near my affairs again, I will not hesitate to reunite you with your parents."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth he regretted them. Yes, he did hate it when people pretended like they knew him. And yes, he did hate it when people didn't mind their own business. But mentioning someone's dead parents and threatening to kill someone in only one sentence – that was a little over the top. He had just admitted to himself that he had never hated Harry and that he didn't want to bully anymore... and now this? Maybe he hadn't changed after all.

Harry eyed him silently for a couple of seconds. "As much as I want to hex your butt right now... I won't."  
>"Because you're a coward." Seriously, where did this come from? Why couldn't he just be civil.<p>

"Because I'm more mature than you." Harry stated. "Don't you think the time has come to stop acting like a little kid?"

Draco lowered his eyes. Every single cell of his body knew Harry was right. His behavior wasn't acceptable, he needed to move on from the past and start breaking out of his patterns. He tried. But he needed help with it... someone's help.

"I'm sorry." he finally managed to say and could see Harry's eyes widen. "I really am." He then pushed past him and scudded down the hallway and around the corner. Then he let himself stop and think. What was he doing? He didn't want to have meaningless sex with just another girl. It would make him feel better about himself and about his life for a little while. But he didn't need that. He felt crappy most of the day, haunted by his past, miserable in his present and scared of his future. He despised himself for his past actions and felt misunderstood by the whole world, no matter if it was true or not. But not always. There had been times that he'd been able to just let the past go, live in the now... and he had felt that he wasn't alone... His eyes became glassy and his cheeks flushed as he scurried down the corridor, up the stairs and knocked on the heavy wooden door.

"Open up."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry that the first chapter after the long pause was pretty short as well, but it was necessary. I'll probably upload again tomorrow or the day afterward. So sorry you had to wait this long for such a short chapter... So how about a little poll... who do you think will open the door? Any guesses?**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


	20. Chapter 20

„Open up!" He yelled again and knocked even louder.

The door swung open and the kind woman smiled at him. Then she noticed his expression and her smile faded.

"What's going on?" She asked concerned.

"I...I'm not sure..." He replied confusedly.

She eyed him for a couple of seconds. "Well why don't you come in?"

He followed her into the office and sat down on a chair.

"Well?" Tonks then asked after she sat down on the chair across from him, the chair that was usually being used by her husband.

Draco didn't know what to say. He didn't even know why he had come here, what good would it bring? He had seen Tonks a couple of times over the last months, meeting her to drink tea or just talk. It almost seemed like family. Almost. She somehow had made it her mission to welcome him into her family and be there for him. He couldn't say that he didn't like that, but he found it odd as well. But he had to admit that it had felt kind of good to have someone to talk to. He knew Tonks would never tell anyone else about what they were talking about so maybe he even trusted her. He knew that the woman had matured a lot ever since she had become a mother.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "So?" She asked again. How should he start? What would he tell her when he didn't even know himself what was going on? But maybe she could help him sort that out.

"Remember when we talked about Hermione?" He finally asked and she nodded patiently. "Well..."

* * *

><p>The following hour he spent telling her all about everything that had happened, not leaving any detail out. He knew that it was way past curfew by now, but he couldn't have cared less.<p>

When he was finally done Tonks spoke for the first time. "So now you feel...?"

He shrugged a little. "Confused."

"About your feelings for her?" She wanted to know.

He nodded. "Yes, but not only about that. I'm also... well I'm wondering if I really have changed or if I'm really still the same kid I used to be... I mean I think I have changed but... I don't know... I'm confused."

It was true that now when he was with her he could finally let go of the past and didn't bother hating himself anymore. But when he wasn't with her...

Tonks leaned forward. "Listen. You are not a bad person. You have changed a lot. Would the old Draco have talked to a blood traitor like me about his feelings? Would he have talked about his feelings at all? No. You are a better man, Draco. You are one of the best men."

He grunted. Somehow talking to Tonks always felt like talking to a therapist.

"I am all for you settling down with a girl and becoming happy, but if it confuses you that much..." She went on and then her voice trailed off.

It remained silent for a couple of seconds, then the woman sighed. "So she said she loves you, huh?"

He shrugged, embarrassed about talking about something like that.

"And that confuses you as well?"

He nodded.

She sighed again.

* * *

><p>Draco was finally on his way to the common room. Even though they hadn't come up with a solution or a decision, it had felt good to talk to Tonks. To get it off his chest. So as he was walking up the stairs he couldn't help but think about what they had talked about – or rather who. Hermione made him feel like a somewhat good person. Was that what love was all about? He thought back to the tingly feeling inside his chest whenever she had touched him. The kisses, the skin contact. There was definitely an attraction there that he had never felt before. And a feeling that he had never felt before. He stepped through the portrait hole and came face to face with the witch he was thinking about.<p>

Immediately the colors in front of him seemed to intensify and his heart beat faster.

"Hi." He said stupidly and she nodded, before she walked past him and out of the portrait hole.

He wasn't even able to feel disappointed about her not answering. All he could think about was how beautiful she was and how every room seemed to brighten up when she stepped in and darken when she left.

She loved him. His heart skipped a beat. And he did love her.

* * *

><p>The next couple of days went by like a dream. Nothing could make me feel anything, nothing that happened really stayed in my mind, everything just passed through. I avoided Draco as much as possible, wanting to leave him time and being scared of hearing his decision. I had told Harry about what had happened the same day and ever since then he stole glances of Draco and told me that he looked „absent-minded" or „confused" or „happy". The last one of those had been when Ron had received a howler from Mrs. Weasley in the Great Hall for avoiding me and Ginny. After that Ron had finally had the guts to talk to me about some random unimportant thing. Later he had apologized to me. Now everything was fine with my friends again, even though I didn't know how that would be after Draco's decision. Every minute that passed I was wondering why it took him so long, but at the same time wishing it would take him longer so that I didn't have to face him so soon.<p>

„Cheer up, Hermione." Harry always told me at breakfast and I just smiled sadly.

„He's not worth the drama anyway." Ron then always mumbled, but I didn't pay any attention to it.

I spent as little time as possible in my common room, hiding in the library instead. In the classes I had with Draco I tried my best to ignore him, which became very hard in Potions, since we were still Potion partners.

One week after my last encounter with Draco I sat at my usual table in the library, when a giddy red-headed girl came running towards me and sat on the chair across from me.

„Hermione!" Ginny yelled and a couple of first-years glared at her. I just threw them a glance of utter authority and they suddenly were very interested in their homework again.

„What?" I then asked calmly.

„I talked to Harry today!" She squealed.

„Okay, keep your voice down! And that's great, what did you talk about? Did you finally talk about what happened?"  
>She shook her head no. „No, we talked about Quidditch. Well I'm still on the team and so is Harry so it was just a matter of time until he had to talk to me."<p>

I smiled warmly. "Well that's at least a start."

She nodded enthusiastically. "I'm thinking that the next time I see him I'm going to talk more about... what happened."  
>"That's really good, Gin." I responded.<p>

"I hate it when you're doing homework, you're always so... uninterested in anything else."  
>"I know, but this is due tomorrow." I motioned to the Ancient Runes essay I was working on. "Tomorrow."<p>

She sighed. "Okay. But I hope you know what a success that was."  
>I nodded and smiled. "Yes, I do."<p>

As soon as she had left I continued working on my essay. I was happy for Ginny, I really was. But this essay was important. And it wasn't like she had much to talk about anyways, she had probably just talked to Harry for five minutes. Maybe even less. Maybe he had just tried to tell her how to improve on something. Who knew? Ginny always made a mountain out of a molehill. But I really hoped they would make up soon. It became clearer and clearer to me every day that Ginny was sorry for what she had done and regretted it. I knew that she really liked Harry, she had just been distracted by Draco's dazzling pick-up lines and looks. I couldn't really blame her for it and I hoped that Harry would be able to forgive her and give her another chance. I was sure it wouldn't happen again.

When I was done with the essay and was going to get out my Muggle Studies homework, I was interrupted by another person.

"Hermione, can I talk to you for a second?" I heard a not very friendly voice say and looked up.

"Of course."

Tonks seemed kind of angry as she sat down on the chair and folded her hands on her lap. "Here's the thing... I love you as if you were my sister, Hermione..."  
>"I'm pretty fond of you too." I replied quickly.<p>

"Let me finish, will you? Right now I am pretty pissed at you."  
>I was really confused. Why would Tonks be pissed at me? I hadn't even talked to her in a couple of weeks, but that had been because she was gone a lot. She only stayed here in Hogwarts on a couple of weekends.<p>

"I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you in so long..." I started, but she cut me off.

"To me? Honey, this is not about me. Draco is a part of my family now." So that was what this was about. "I might have some family left, like my father and Remus, and my mother, but he doesn't have anyone except for me! And I can't help but feel responsible for him. I have done my best to get that boy back on the right track and I am actually really proud of what I've achieved. And I know that a big part of it had to do with you too, but that doesn't give you the right to do this. What he needs right now is steadiness. A steady environment, steady relationships."  
>I glared at her, anger rising up inside of me. "What do you think I did? I want exactly that. A steady relationship. That is the one thing that I want. So don't come here and hiss at me like I did something wrong."<p>

She sighed. "I know that you want that. But what you're doing is confusing him. A lot. And he doesn't need that right now. And am I wrong when I say that you avoided him for a week now? Not exactly very steady now, is it?"  
>"Yes, but only because... I wanted to leave him time." I defended myself, confused by how Tonks patronized Draco. She had really become a mother.<p>

"Listen, Hermione. Draco's like a lost puppy right now. He has to be handled with care or he will never be able to trust another human soul. At the same time he has quirks that we have to accept."

I breathed in to calm myself. "Listen, Tonks. I know that you're worried about him, but I think you underestimate him a little. He's stronger than you think, and he will get through this. There's no reason for you to battle out his fights. And I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want that either."

She raised her eyebrows. "So now you know what he wants and doesn't want?"  
>I bit my lip. "Well does he know you're here to have this conversation with me right now?" She didn't reply. "I'm taking that as a no, which would mean that you know that he wouldn't want it, so you didn't tell him. And now excuse me, but I have to finish my homework."<p>

Tonks reluctantly got up. "Hermione, don't tell him about this, okay? He would kill me."

I smiled and nodded. "Are you coming to Christmas at the Grimmauld Place in two weeks?" I asked her before she left.

She grinned. "Of course. I think I'll bring my lovely cousin too. That is if I can convince him of it." She rolled her eyes.

"Good luck with that." I laughed and she joined in. Then she left and I turned back to my homework. I thought it was really cute that Tonks felt so protective of Draco. But the thought that he needed protection like that was just ridiculous. Draco Malfoy could take care of himself.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys,**

**Arrrrgh this chapter's pretty much just a cliffhanger... before the BIG FINAL CHAPTER that is about to come! Haha! Are you excited too? I sure am! Review the hell out of this story, folks! Let's see if we can break that review button!**

**Love,**

**ShayleeRae**


End file.
